Don’t Fall For The Okie Doke: Common Dating Traps And How To Avoid Them

July 2, 2013  |  
1 of 16

Women and men alike can fall into all sorts of dating traps. With everyone coming into relationships with different dating experiences, it’s not uncommon for someone to fall into a bad dating pattern and continue on with it out of habit. But that’s not what you want to so. So, here are 11 of the most common dating traps that people seem to fall into as well as four ways to avoid falling into them altogether.

You think love is all you need

Love is one of the most misunderstood emotions around. A lot of women fall into the trap that attraction, need, infatuation, and good sex equal love. And that that love conquers all. Sure, love will help when things get rough, but you need a lot more than butterflies in your stomach to make things last. You also need common values, goals, and practical beliefs to build any type of sustainable relationship.

You focus on external factors

On the other hand, not only do you focus on your looks, but you base partners’ dateability solely on external thing. His body, overall looks, education, career, money, and other materialistic things are all you care about. Who cares if he’s a genuinely nice guy with a good head on his shoulders, especially if he doesn’t have a six pack with muscles all over? Focusing on only external factors makes you — and your relationship — extremely superficial.

You market yourself

There is nothing wrong with wanting to look and feel your best everyday. However, when you are dating, there is no need to continually market yourself in efforts to try to make yourself seem more attractive and appealing. By falling into this trap, you put on a facade because you think no man would want to date you for who you really are. But, this only sets you up for failure and heartache at the end of things. You can’t market yourself 24/7, so the real you will come out eventually.

You take what you can get

You have this idea in your mind that there are not a lot of men to choose from so your mind slips into the trap that you either have to stay single, or take what you can get. Since men are scarce where you are, you settle for whatever you can get. However, when you expect less, you get less, and you find yourself in an even worse position by the end of it all.

You still believe in fairytales

You don’t put a lot of effort into finding a man to date. Instead, you do you and hope and wish that one day your prince charming will magically appear in front of you. You also have this idea that happily ever after is what your relationship is destined to be like, hard work or not. The reality is you need to prepare for all sorts of disappointment before you find your partner and afterward. No relationship is always happily ever after and most men won’t pop up on your doorstep with a glass slipper.

You mistake attraction for dating potential

You and this guy you know are really attracted to each other. You two flirt a lot and you obviously think that the two of you are complete eye candy. With such strong physical attraction, you automatically get the idea that the two of you were meant to be together. But, relationships take a lot more than just physical attraction, and if you two were to date, there are bound to be tons of unchecked red flags and surface problems to deal with later on.

You focus on shirt-term compatibility

So you have a lot of fun when you spend time with this guy. You two like going to the movies and just hanging out. Clearly, you’re compatible, which means your connection is good enough for a long term relationship. However, being able to have fun together and dating recreationally and dating seriously are two different things. While you may be compatible in some ways, in other ways that matter you may be completely different.

You think everyone’s “the one”

Instead of letting nature take its course, you prefer to immediately jump right into couple status with every man you date. This lets you get a little test drive and test the waters before really diving in. However, just because you are dating a man doesn’t mean that a committed and successful relationship will be the outcome. This trap only sets you up for a lot of wasted time, energy, and emotions.

You’re desperate

You hate being single. You don’t like spending time alone while all of your other female friends are spending time with their man. When you’re desperate, your mind goes into overdrive, and you’re more likely to latch onto the first thing that interests you. Desperation never leads to a quality or long-lasting relationship. Though you may hate the single life, stick with it until you find the right guy for you.

You’re caught up in sex

When you guys are doing your thing between the sheets, the chemistry is great. The sex is amazing, and you’re always left feeling nothing short of pleasured and content. However, chemistry during sex isn’t good enough for a relationship. Just because the sex is good doesn’t mean that the relationship will be just as great. Don’t become emotionally attached to a friend with benefits, or else you’re setting yourself up for failure.

You need to be rescued

You have all sorts of problems in your life. Your bank account is slowly withering away and you’re still hung up on your ex-boyfriend who left you months ago. You’re now in the mindset that a new relationship will make everything better. Getting into a relationship only to be rescued emotionally, financially, or physically, just won’t do you any good. You need to take responsibility for the direction of your life. Don’t depend on anyone else to do it for you.

Avoiding the traps…

Keep reign of your emotions

Dating can definitely make you feel all sorts of emotions. However, when you’re looking to find a potential match, it’s important to keep a hold of your emotions. You don’t want to go into dates thinking that you’re going to fall in love. Keep your emotions to the side until you’re really able to find a man who is worthy of your feelings.

Know the difference between love and lust

Love and lust are two emotions that are often interchanged, especially with women. Typically a lot of women are in lust when they think they are in love. When dating, it’s important to know the difference between these two emotions. Don’t assume you’re in love when you’re just caught up in the physicality of things.

Embrace being single

There is nothing wrong with being single. There are seriously all sorts of perks that come along with being by yourself. Embrace being single and enjoy it for what it is. You now have all the time in the world to focus on yourself. Go for shopping trips. Hit up the spa. Get your nails done. Being single means time is owed to no one but you.

Know what you want

Before you go into the dating game, be sure that you have an idea of what you’re looking for in a man. Though you don’t need to have a list that is 5 pages long, at least have some must haves and wants in the men that you decide to date. This way you don’t allow yourself to settle for a guy who doesn’t meet your needs. Knowing what you want also gets rid of a lot of wasted dates, time, and effort.

Trending on MadameNoire

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN