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I was talking to one of my female clients in her early 40’s that has never been married.  She told me that she tends to be attracted to men by mostly looks and finds that these relationships sizzle out and don’t move forward as she would hoped for.  So how do you find true love that will last?

Yes, looks are important from the standpoint that you have to be attracted to your mate.  Especially with women, attraction can grow as you get to know someone over time.  However what most of us are looking for is someone who makes us feel special, exudes warmth and is someone we can trust.

Case in point – my husband wasn’t initially on my radar.  He is a quieter guy and relates better one on one.  I met him through a bicycling group in the DC area.  I had to give him a chance to get to know him.  As I spent more time with him, the more I liked him.  I found out that we shared many values in common, had the same life goals and saw things on the same wavelength.  He became more attractive to me over time.

On the other hand, with someone that I though was cute and definitely had my look, I noticed some personality clashes.  I found out that he did not appreciate me for who I really am – a social person.  He got mad at me when I talked to other people at a community pool that I have been a member of for many years. And yet he was off swimming laps when I was having this conversation!  He became less attractive to me when he got jealous of me talking to my friends.

In recent years the 3 top ways that people meet their mates are:

1. Through friends and face to face interactions such as social gatherings.

2. Through school or work.  Here you see people day in and day out.  You get to know them on a deeper level and see how they operate with others over time.

3. Through online dating.  This method expands your network and you don’t really get to see the person until after you have selected them from their profiles (Is it accurate?) emails back and forth and eventually have phone contact with you.   So here, physical attractiveness is not able to be determined until you meet face to face.

Each way of meeting someone has a different mode of gathering information about someone to find out if they truly are a good life partner.



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