7 Signs You’re In A Love-Hate Relationship And 7 Ways To Fix It
So you’re dating this guy, and on one hand you care about him and like being around him, but on the other hand, there are times when you really can’t stand to be in his presence and consider leaving him and moving on to someone new. When a love-hate dichotomy exists within a relationship, there’s bound to be emotions and thoughts that range from one side of the spectrum to the other. And since relationships are full of emotional ups and downs, some couples think that these dips and dives aren’t indicative of a love-hate relationship, but instead one that is just normal. If you’re unsure of your relationship and how you really feel about it, here are some signs that you love someone but sorta hate them at the same time — and need to either fix it or get out
You absolutely love certain parts of him
He has a great job. He wines and dines you on a daily basis, at the least. He has a clear focus in life and seems to have a path to success already paved. He makes you laugh until you’re in tears. There are certain qualities and traits about him that you downright love and adore.
But you outright hate other parts of him
While you love some of him, there are other parts of him that you hate. He’s not the most clean guy in the world. He often has streaks of laziness. He spends way too much time on Facebook chatting people up. Basically, his character is straight but some of his behaviors are horrendously annoying to you.
There’s always intense emotions
Emotions in any relationship are extremely important, but when it comes to this relationship, the emotions are always extremely intense. On those “I love him” days, you two are like love birds and seem to be inseperable. On those other days, you two argue like crazy, yell, scream, and let out extreme aggression. In your relationship, there’s no emotional middle ground.
There’s a constant break-up and make-up cycle
When you two argue with each other, you really argue. Typically when you fight, there’s mention of breaking up and calling it quits. But just a couple of hours later, you two are hugging, kissing, and loving all over each other. You make up and forget all about the vicious fight you had, but it’s only temporary. This cycle of fighting and making up continues over and over.
Your man has become a prize
You value the relationship, even though there are certain parts of this man that you absolutely cannot stand. You have thought about leaving but at the same time you know that you’ve put way too much energy and effort into the relationship to just let it go. You see the relationship as a daring feat in the idea that the longer you stick around, the greater chance you’ll win the prize of him acting how you want him to.
The relationship doesn’t have a true purpose
You’re in the relationship just to be in it. Maybe you’ve been single for so long that you’re willing to be in any type of relationship that’s available to you, no matter how much you dislike the guy some days. You know deep down that the relationship more than likely doesn’t have a future, but you put that aside because it’s at least fulfilling a void that you have, and for right now that’s all that matters.
The relationship lacks deep connections
While you love and hate certain parts of him, two very deep emotions, there isn’t a true bond between you two. You love the not-so-important things about him, like his money or how he is able to take you out to dinner every Friday. The surface traits are what you’re in love with, which means that there really isn’t a deep and true connection between the two of you, hence the constant fighting.
If you want things to improve…
See if the feelings are mutual
Sometimes in a relationship, it’s just you that has these love-hate feelings towards the person you’re dating. Before deciding where to go from here, talk to your man and get an idea of how he feels. Does he find himself suffering from an emotional dichotomy as well? This will more than likely determine whether or not the relationship is worth fixing or not.
Be open to real communication
After determining the true feelings that exist between the two of you, now is the time to sit down and talk things through. Can things be fixed and changed around so that you don’t have such hate-filled emotions for him at times? Is there anything you can change on your end? Is he willing to do some things differently? Answering these questions let’s you know whether things can improve or if you’re just going in another circle.
Determine if you’re willing to work on things
In order for the relationship to phase out of being a love-hate relationship, both of you will have to be willing and ready to put forth the energy and time needed in order to make the relationship work. Are you both willing to change for the better? Are you willing to put a heavy focus on communication between the two of you? You both have to be in it in order for the relationship to change for the better.
Write out the pros and cons
If you’re still on the fence about whether or not to end or try to change the relationship, write out a list of pros and cons. What do you like about your boyfriend and the relationship as a whole? What do you not like about it? Compare the two sides and see which one outweighs the other. If they’re about even, it may be better to just stick with it and see how things go in time.
Don’t play the blame game
Just like with any relationship, it’s not just one person’s fault. More than likely both of you are doing something that is contributing to the love-hate relationship that yours has become. In order for you to fix things, you’ll want to avoid pointing the finger. Instead, both of you should accept some part of the blame and then you should really just move on from it.
Talk to someone unbiased
When you’re working through relationship problems, it’s always helpful to be able to talk to someone who is unbiased about the problems that you two are experiencing. Try talking to a friend, a family member that you both trust, or even a counselor. Getting an outside opinion and learning of ways that may help solve the love-hate problem can really take a relationship pretty far.
Fixing a love-hate relationship means letting go of what things were and attempting to reconnect on a deeper level. Go out on dates. Court each other. Flirt often. Make it seem like your relationship is just now starting. This allows you to hopefully reconnect on a deeper and more substantial level that will hopefully provide new meaning and purpose to the relationship.