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It’s said that love is blinding, and that’s not always a bad thing. Sometimes true love makes us hone in on the things that matter, and somehow forget all the things that don’t. The opposite is also true: when we don’t care deeply for someone, all we see are the unimportant things. What should otherwise be cute quirks feel like unbearable flaws. Side notes become the point. And you can bet if a man can’t stop complaining about these “quirks” about you, he’s just not into you.

Your diet

Most women watch their weight. Even those of us who think we are “above that” or “total foodies” or “tomboys” secretly leave a few bites on our plate, looking after our waistlines. A man who is really into you will think it’s adorable that you watch your weight, when you really don’t need to. A man who is less than crazy about you will make you feel vein, superficial and “typical” for it. He’ll roll his eyes when you ask for dressing on the side. Or he’ll make sarcastic comments when choosing restaurants like, “Or is that one too high calorie for you?”

Your complaints about your mom

If you have a mother, you have complaints about her. The mother/daughter relationship is a complicated one. But while a lot of drama comes with it, for a man who really likes you, he can also find it informational, and even sweet. A lot can be learned about a woman if you listen to her tell you about arguments with her mother. Men who like you will endure the long story to get to know you better. Men who don’t like you will say, “Again with your mother?!”

Your tendency to worry

So you’re a worrier. You can come up with a 10-minute rant on why your friend might not like the bar you’ve selected, or how you might be underdressed for an event, or how the couch you ordered might not fit in the living room. A man who likes you will find this adorable. He’ll take joy in teasing you about it, and even calming you down. But he won’t groan, and belittle your concerns (which is what a man not so into you will do).

Your neediness

In a relationship you should be able to say, “I miss you! When are you coming home? I don’t like sleeping in this bed all alone” and your partner should warmly welcome that sentiment, and even return it. But a man who isn’t that into you will immediately read that as “clingy” and “naggy” and will respond with, “I told you this meeting is running late and I’ll be home later. Why do you have to make me feel bad about it?”

Anything you like

It’s highly unlikely that you and your man will have all the same hobbies and passions. But a man with real feelings for you will learn to like (at least a little) your passions because they’re a part of you. If you’re really into knitting, yarn found on his pillow should make him smile. It’s a little piece of you. But a man who is already hesitant about you will only notice how silly/boring/inconvenient your hobbies are, and say, “I told you not to knit in the bed!!!” when he finds that yarn.


Your sleep habits

Everybody has annoying sleep habits, but we tolerate them. Most people sleep better alone, but you sacrifice a perfect night’s rest to be with a person you really like or love. Unless you don’t really like or love them…If your partner wakes you up abruptly every night to tell you you’ve stolen all the covers again, or puts a pillow on your head when you’re snoring, or even suggests you get separate beds, he’s not that into you. A man who loves you finds your snoring cute, and gently takes some blanket back while trying not to disturb you.

Your friends

Your friends are an extension of you, so if a man isn’t into you, he’ll not only be looking for flaws in you, but in your friends. A man who likes you will find nice things to say about your friends, even if they’re annoying to him. A man who isn’t into you won’t hesitate to question your taste in friends, and tell you everything he can’t stand about each one.

Your taste in music

This is a true test of feelings. That term “It’s like music to my ears” doesn’t come from nowhere. When you associate positive things with a sound, it is like music to your ears. Your partner’s snoring, your partner’s high pitched laugh, your partner rummaging through the drawers—these are all music to your ears when you love that person. And finally, even if they listen to music you wouldn’t generally like, even that is “music to your ears” when it reminds you of someone you love. If your partner slams the radio off when you put on your music, or rails into you about your poor taste in genres, you can bet that nothing else about you is music to his ears, either.

Your messiness/cleanliness

What’s a few sweaters on the floor when you really love someone? Or coming home to find all of your clothes color coordinated? Someone’s messiness/cleanliness is a reflection of who they are: a free spirit, an artist, a perfectionist, relaxed, hyper and so on. If you love those traits about your partner, then you see those traits in that dirty pile of laundry, or perfectly folded laundry. And it makes you smile. If your partner rags on you for your level of cleanliness, he doesn’t appreciate the qualities about you that are directly linked to it.

Your old, misshapen clothes

We all have those college track pants or old sweatshirts we just can’t get rid of, or maybe even refuse to wash. They carry memories and comfort for us. And sure, we look like bums in them. But a partner who loves you loves the things that make you comfortable and happy. Meanwhile, a partner who doesn’t have real feelings for you focuses on the superficial—like how you dress—and gets turned off when you put on that old Disneyland sweatshirt.

Your dog

So your dog cries too much, or always has to sleep on the bed, or has bad gas. But you love that dog. That dog is your baby. When the dog is happy, you are elated. And when the dog is sick you are heartbroken. Anything that your emotions are so deeply tied to, your partner should care about. If your man is indifferent to or even cold to your dog, he doesn’t care enough about you.

Your Facebook photos

You have tons of silly faces in your photos, or lots of professional shots, or photos of you and your sorority sisters. A man who loves you knows that’s just who you are. A man on the fence about you says, “That’s a little vein of you to have professional photos…” or “How many sorority photos do you need?”

The way you schedule your time

When a man isn’t into you, he can often treat you like his misbehaving kid — very condescending, very dictating. Maybe it is silly that you drove on the side of town with traffic, or went to the store that always has the longest line, or were running home late because you stopped to look at dogs at an adoption. A man who likes you thinks that’s cute. Otherwise, he tells you that you don’t manage your life or your time very well.

Your quirky apartment

So your neighborhood isn’t great, or parking is impossible, or the lights flicker when you flush the toilet. You’re happy there. And even if you’re not, it’s your partner’s job to remain positive and help you be as happy as possible, even when circumstances aren’t ideal. But if he doesn’t care too much about you, he’ll let every little thing bother him and fixate on the parking issue.

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