Nobody likes to admit when they’re not over their ex. In fact, people will insist they are over their ex by collecting evidence, facts, and photos like a court case to say, “SEE! I don’t care about him/her anymore!” which only makes you think they’re definitely not over them. So if you’re wondering if the guy you’re currently seeing is holding onto some feelings for the woman before you, you’ll have to do some research of your own. Here are signs to look out for.
The Facebook photos are still up
It’s true that it’s painful to take down all those happy, smiling photos of you and an ex. But to be clear: it’s only really painful when you’re still not over the person. So, if your guy still has all those cuddly/vacation albums up of him and his last girlfriend, that’s because clicking that delete button feels like a dagger to his heart.
He finds reasons to talk to her
He needs to ask her what the name of a restaurant is they went to, so he can take you, or he needs to pass on a message to her from a common friend. But Yelp exists for a reason, so you can look up your own restaurants, and that common friend has Facebook. They can pass on the message themselves. Someone who is truly over his ex thinks of excuses not to talk to her, not to talk to her.
He speaks poorly of her a lot
He still vents about her, or goes off on long monologues about all the ways she wronged him. But where there is still pain, there are still feelings. His memories of her have not yet turned into calm lessons, but are still very present and real.
He talks poorly of her new boyfriend
There are only two reasons for a guy to trash talk his ex’s new guy: 1) To make himself feel better (in which case, the woman he is currently seeing does not give him enough of a confidence boost i.e. he is still into his ex) or 2) He cares so much about her, he wants to only see her with the best (in which case, he is still into her again). He shouldn’t care that much about her happiness anymore.
He knows who her new boyfriend is
Why does he even know who his ex is dating now in the first place? The only way he could know is by asking her directly—meaning they are still speaking so he probably still has feelings for her—or he went through the trouble of stalking her Facebook/asking common friends.
His friends haven’t heard of you
If his friends look dumbfounded when you come along it’s because all the time your guy should have been gloating about you to his buddies, he was instead still venting about his ex.
He’s doing everything she hated
He’s eating junk food, drinking more, sleeping late, and doing it all with a vengeful look on his face as he says, “Now that my ex isn’t around, I can do whatever I want!” Trying to spite someone, and trying to impress someone, dance along the same fine line. And both mean you still care what a person thinks about you.
Everything is a reason to bring her up
Every movie, thing you eat, place you go, and friend you see is reason for your guy to bring up a story or fact about his ex. She’s on his brain.
He’s dazed and confused after bumping into her
After your guy has a run in with his ex he is distant, depressed and in his own world. That should be sign enough he still has feelings for her. He can’t even run into her without losing his senses!
He won’t delete her number
And he has dumb excuses why he needs to keep it, like “She’s an emergency contact in my phone” or “She has all the numbers of our old plumbers and handymen.” A man that was over his ex would update that emergency contact, and find a new plumber.
He’s blocked her in every medium
Facebook, email, Twitter, phone—he’s made it so that he has absolutely no way of contacting her, and visa versa. Distancing oneself is important, but if a guy feels the need to put up an iron wall between him and the ex, it’s because he has no self-control in terms of contacting her. That wall isn’t for her; it’s for him.
He can’t do anything that reminds him of her
He refuses to go to the restaurant they used to eat at together, he slams the radio off when a song comes on she would always sing, he’s stopped jogging because that’s what they used to do together. If so many activities are still associated with her, he’s not over her.
He’s listening to emotional music
What’s his music selection like? Is he jamming out in his room, listening to upbeat electronic, or at least some happy, laid back music? Or could his music be the soundtrack to a drama and/or crime thriller? If it’s the latter, he’s working out some deep pain.
He’s kept her things
There is absolutely no reason for her things to still be in his home. Perhaps he’s kept some of the gifts she gave him—fine. But why does he need her scarf? Her jar of lotion? There’s only one explanation: so he can delude himself into feeling that she is still in his life.