Halloween is almost here and you don’t have a costume and you’d rather not spending your time and money picking over the leftover scraps at the Halloween store. No worries, everything you need is right in your closet. Here are a few costume ideas tied to recent news events and pop culture characters that won’t cost you a penny. See if any of the following suit you or share your own ideas.
Anita Hill and Virginia Thomas
Requirements:
Two phones
White female friend (to play Virginia Thomas)
Non-waterproof mascara
Options:
Bottle of pills and/or wine
Black male friend (to play Clarence Thomas)
Earlier this month Virginia Thomas, wife of Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, called up Anita Hill’s job at 7:30 a.m. asking for an apology that she felt was 20 years overdue. She wanted Hill to apologize for what she said and did to her huuuuuuusband. Right. As you know, Anita Hill almost derailed Thomas’ Supreme Court confirmation in the early ‘90s when she accused him of sexual harassment. Needless to say, he ended up getting confirmed anyway and everybody basically moved on with their lives or so we thought. Use stuff in your closet to recreate this wtf moment. You are Anita Hill listening to the voicemail. Dress professor-like and put on your screw face as you hold the phone up to your ear. The friend playing Virginia Thomas should look distraught and disoriented with mascara running down her face, disheveled hair, rumpled clothes and a bottle of something or another in her hand. If you want, have a Justice Thomas in tow too complete with a flowing robe and hapless expression.
Antoine Dodson
Requirements:
Hair scarf
Skinny jeans
Neck rollin’
Antoine Dodson, star of the viral “Bed Intruder” song, is a great source of Halloween costume inspiration. Dodson is actually selling a Halloween costume of himself, but you can whip up an Antoine Dodson costume from things you already own. The scarf and unkempt hair are easy to duplicate and Dodson is a little bitty thing who is partial to skinny jeans, so that part is a cinch too. Be sure to sprinkle in his catch phrases randomly during conversations. For example, if your friend is asking you how she should break things off with a new guy, give her your honest opinion: “you are so dumb; you are really dumb. For real.”
Lonely, Bitter, Confused Black Woman
Requirements:
Toy cats
Screw face
Multiple diplomas (use fake ones)
A-tti-TUDE
In the past year, how many TV specials, magazine articles and newspaper columns have been devoted to the romantic “plight” of black women? Oh and let’s not forget those sometimes funny, but always at least slightly offensive viral cartoons that have been popping up as of late. Cat-hoarding, bitter black spinsters are all the rage. You ain’t know? Take a cue from Redman (“I’ll Be Dat”) and embrace your inner ridiculousness that everyone seems to think you have. Caress your toy cats and your degrees all night long. Make contradictory statements about everything and if a man is even remotely nice to you, make sure you bite his head off and then promptly complain to your girlfriends about how stupid men are for not recognizing your awesomeness.
Warning: This costume gets tiresome really fast. It’s hard pretending to be as ridiculous as we are portrayed. SMH at all those stories…from what planet do they come? *shudder*
Real Housewife
Requirements:
Glass of wine
Gigantic diamonds
Foreclosure notice
Bad wig
Besides the fact that a lot of the women in the “Real Housewives” franchise either have jobs outside of the home or are not wives, a number of them have other things in common too like a love of big gaudy jewelry and an aversion to paying bills. Put on a big wig and a dress that is too dressy for where ever you’re going. Have a glass of wine in hand at all times. Talk really loudly about all the fabulous things you are doing with your life and let everyone know how much everything costs. If you have to make things up, even better. Make sure the foreclosure notice on your home falls out of your outrageously expensive bag a couple times through out the evening.
Facebook Girl
Requirements:
Pursed lips
TMI
Do you have a Facebook Girl in your life? You know the type. She has pursed lips in every single picture. She throws up the peace sign in 95 percent of her pictures as well. Her status messages are full of entirely too much information. Must you know about what she had for breakfast AND her pseudo-intellectual babble about trusting men? Be her for the night! You can basically wear whatever you want though wearing blue and white might subconsciously reinforce the Facebook theme. Pose the exact same way for every picture and even when you’re not taking pictures. Share inappropriate things like how many times you went to the bathroom that day and use acronyms. Instead of actually laughing or gasping say “LOL” or “asterisk gasp asterisk.”
Are you dressing up for Halloween this year? If so, what will be your costume?
