How I Got Over the ‘Bad Boy’ Syndrome

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He was a kid and lived with him mom, so he had no choice.  He was just running into the house to grab the tickets, so he told me to stay in the car while he ran inside. He got out, but when he had walked a few steps away, he turned around and opened my door, the passenger’s side door. He tossed a gun onto my lap and said “Be cool, but if you need to, use it.” He shut the door without giving me a chance to say a word.  I sat there with my hands raised like I was getting robbed. Between the gang bangers, crack heads and regular knuckle heads, I was feeling a tad uneasy.

I knew he meant well. My father had taught me how to shoot, so he knew I could and in his mind, I’m sure he thought he was being protective and reassuring. Dude came out about a minute and half later even though it felt like an eternity. Right then and there, I was instantly cured of my bad boy desires.

Bad boys didn’t lose their appeal entirely though. I still dated my fair share of obnoxious men/boys, but they were the types to pay for an essay, not get paid for a hit.  Eventually, I figured out that bad boys, whether they filed taxes or rolled blunts, were not worth it. I preferred a consistently fun, available man over the unstable, selfish and fun man.

Given all of that and the horrible stats that we are all too familiar with, sometimes it feels like if we meet a “nice guy” we have to pounce on the opportunity. Au contraire mon fere.  Just because a guy is nice, just because a guy is not an a$$hole, does not mean that you should scoop him up.  Even with a stable, reliable, nice guy status, a man still has to mesh with you.  He still has to have common values and be attractive to you.

Don’t punk yourself into thinking you have to jump on any man that shows interest who has a degree, no children and no criminal history. There are plenty of intangibles that matter and you should not feel guilty about passing on a man that is truly not for you.

Of course passing up on one of the nice guys requires that you are very sure of yourself. You have to know that you are saying “no” for the right reasons and not for something superficial like the kind of car he drives or what stamps are in his passport.

Did you have an aha moment with bad boys? Have you ever had to turn down a nice guy? What was the reason?

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