How I Learned That You Can’t Judge Your New Man Based On The Mistakes Made By Your Ex-Man

October 2, 2012  |  

The other day my man started acting strange. Everywhere he went, he took his cellphone with him. This is strange for him, as he’s not attached at the hip with his phone. In fact, he still has a flip phone for crying out loud! From the moment he got out of bed the phone didn’t leave his side and something about his whole aura was strange. I didn’t know what to make of it and the more I thought about it, my mind, my senses were inclined to lean towards the theory that something was up. Not just any something, but another woman. However, my common sense (see what I did there) made me stop and think for a minute. Has this man given you any reason other than a new found bond with technology to make you draw this conclusion? I’m not saying my man is a saint, but he’s honest, to a fault at times. About an hour after I took notice, he told me without prompting he was anxious about a call from work. Why was I inclined to go to this place where I think it’s another woman? Why take it to that paranoid place? Because, my last relationship happened to be with a fella of that flavor.

Do we really learn anything or know anything concrete about relationships based on past relationships? When my ex would act in ways that deviated from the “usual,” it meant he was checking for someone else. But that doesn’t mean my current man is the same. My boyfriend hasn’t exhibited the behaviors of my ex. Matter of fact, this man is almost the polar opposite.

The lessons of my past relationship I won’t ever forget, but I’m not sure it helps me to hold onto them as some kind of litmus test or point of reference for my current relationship. There are general things we all learn from being in a relationship; what we’re attracted to physically, sexually, the way we prefer to interact, get along and or live with someone else, but can we say for sure that we’re getting any better at it or learning about more about one person based on what another person did?

My ex was a cheater, but I’m not going to take away trust from all men in the future unless they give me reason to. I have to enter every new relationship with brand new eyes and naivety because it is brand new! There’s only one thing you can know about for sure in one relationship that you can take to the next; yourself. My ex was what he was, it ended and I know that I’m not about that life. I know for me, infidelity is unacceptable. I also know that there’s no list that’s going to make my man love me more. No concrete rule on one-night stands, more than one surefire way to succeed at love. I know when my ex exhibited a kind of behavior it meant something, but I can’t take that thinking into my current situation because I’m with a different man. The possibilities are endless because the people and experiences are endless. I’m not telling you not to be vigilant in your relationship, but be mindful of whom you’re being vigilant against and why. Is it the person you’re with or the one you left? Past relationships serve to teach me more about myself, what I’m willing to accept and preparing me to do it differently the next time with someone new, not as an example of how things are and will always be!

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