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Premature ejaculation (PE) is a commonplace problem that causes issues within the context of many marriages across the board.  In the United States, the prevalence of PE in American males is estimated to range from 30-70 percent on a consistent basis.  These are alarming statistics that imply that a plethora of women may be unsatisfied with sexual intercourse with their spouses.   To be sure, being short-changed relative to sex can be emotionally and physically disappointing for women, but divorce should not be a ready option for solving this manageable problem.

Of course, there are sex therapists who try their best to help solve the problem via psychotherapy and medicine, but there are some actions that you can implement to help build your man’s confidence and to help him overcome the unnecessary performance anxiety, which most therapists agree, is the underlying problem in most cases.

Hopefully, the following principles can help your spouse with the potential transition from a “minute man” to a “marathon man:”

  1. Breathe deeply. When individuals experience performance anxiety, certain chemicals (i.e., catecholamines) are released that trigger “flight and run” response.  Most therapists across the board believe that it is this very response that causes PE.  One of the effective ways to deal with “flight and run” is to simply practice deep abdominal breathing, which calm the nerves, relaxes the body and mind and leads to more intense orgasms.  Hence, it is recommended that you politely mention to your spouse that they should breathe deeply before and during sexual intercourse.
  2. Slow down. Men who suffer with PE operate at a much faster rate because of the chemicals that trigger “flight and run” response.  Consequently, these men rush relative to sex and experience their orgasms extremely fast.  It is essential that you mention to your spouse that they should simply slow down.  Like great food and vintage wine, outstanding sex is something to slowly savor and to thoroughly enjoy- not rush through.
  3. Stick to basic positions. Positions that allow for deeper penetration and intense physiological response will certainly cause men who suffer with PE to experience their orgasm very rapidly.  Thus, it essential to stick with basic positions, such as the missionary and the cowgirl, that should allow your man to practice control and to ultimately last longer.  To be sure, this is only a temporary recommendation, as it can lead to boring and monotonous sex over time.  But, basic positions can play in part in building confidence and practicing other techniques to prevent recurring PE.
  4. Prolong foreplay. It is essential that you and your spouse engage in enough foreplay to help reduce the intensity of his anxiety.  The longer that you and your spouse genuinely and passionately engage in foreplay, the less time your spouse will have to focus on actual sex.  Foreplay helps to turn the sexual experience into a “total body experience.”
  5. Stay positive. It is very easy to become overly negative with your spouse who suffers with PE, but it is essential to stay positive and to speak positive words on a continual basis.  Over time, your spouse can very easily overcome this problem, and he will certainly appreciate your support and patience with an issue that adversely affects him emotionally as well.
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