Like Ingrid Michaelson so simply put it, “Everybody, everybody wants to love. Everybody, everybody wants to be loved.” And because of this, women too often overlook the red flags, the signs of troubles ahead and the hints that this guy’s not the one. We let things slide because we want so badly to be pleasantly surprised. But all this ever gets us is even more disappointment in the end not only in the men we date, but also in ourselves for not going with our gut. After reading this list below, you’re held accountable for your own heartbreaks. If you ignored these signs and charged on, there was nobody that could save you but yourself.
“You can come if you want to”
You “know” that if the guy is just exposed to you enough, he’ll fall for you. So you’re taking any chance you can to hang out with him. Even when his invite consists of the words, “You can come…if you want.” A guy that truly wants you there will say, “I’d LOVE for you to come.” A man that says it the former way has no intention of paying attention to you at the party/bar/beach/whatever. A man that wants you there lets you know that you will enhance the experience for him. That you would be doing him the favor by attending with him. But if he says, “You can come if you want…” he felt obligated to invite you and you’ll only look desperate for going. It’s a lose, lose.
Anybody’s a cuddler when they truly like someone. It’s a part of how the human body functions. All those feel good chemicals that surge up when we’re around someone we truly like compel us to want to physically connect. If a guy says he’s not a cuddler he’s either A) Not into you or B) Selfish, and actually not a cuddler but too self absorbed to think, “Hm. Maybe it would make her happy if I cuddled her.”
He “forgets” to text
You don’t struggle to remember the person you’re into. You struggle to forget them! You have to force yourself to put them out of your mind while you’re working or hanging out with friends. A text can be sent sitting at a red light (don’t tell the cops we said that!), standing in an elevator, waiting in line at the grocery store. You know this list is endless because you’ve found all of those times to text a guy you’re into. And when you’re into a guy, you remember to make use of those times. You don’t want to be with someone that you’re forgettable to.
He’s too busy
Again, like the lyrics at the beginning of this article stated, everybody wants love in their life. It’s a part of the pyramid of sociological needs that humans require to survive! If a guy is into you, he’ll drive to you on his lunch break. He’ll come over when he gets off work, even if it’s super late. He’ll line your calendar and his up for the next month and circle the dates when he can see you. And you shouldn’t be wasting your time with somebody who would do any less.
You can’t leave a toothbrush
Neat freaks are the exception (but they’re a pain to date.) If a man is into you, he’ll love the little signs of yourself you leave behind like mascara, a sweater, a hair tie A man that doesn’t let you keep so much as a toothbrush at his place is either A) Seeing other people and doesn’t want them to see that, B) Never learned the basic principles of sharing and compromising or C) Not into you.
He’s private about his computer or phone
Everybody has a right to privacy but only the people up to something invoke it. If your guy shuts his computer screen, x’s out all the tabs, or turns his phone over every time you walk in the room; odds are he is flirting with another girl. If it happens once or twice, let it slide. It may be a coincidence. But if it’s a regular occurrence, something is up.
He’s “not a planner”
He won’t give you an answer about something in the future you’re inviting him too and he only ever asks you out at the last minute. He says he’s just “not a planner.” What he really is is an opportunist that wants to make sure there isn’t a different girl he’d rather hang out with that night, before resigning to seeing you. I’m sorry, but it’s true because again, when a man falls he falls and he will ask you sometimes weeks in advance to do something just to make sure he reserves that slot of time with you.
He’s picky about where you eat, what movie you see, what bar you go to, how cold it is in your apartment. He needs everything to be perfect. But, when you’re truly into somebody, the joy of their company overshadows much else. You don’t care where you eat so long as you’re eating with that person. If a man is particular about all the superfluous things, that means you’re not the main attraction for him. You’re just a little added bonus. A sidepiece with his perfect dinner and movie.
Everything is on his terms
He has to get up early, so you go to his place. He wants to meet up with his friends at a bar, so you have to go with him if you want to see him. Basically, if you want to see him, you have to make things as easy as possible for him. If this guy really liked you and/or wasn’t completely narcissistic, he would go out of his way to make things easy for you. Relationships should be give and take. You’re not going to charm a selfish guy into being giving. If anything, you’ll only spoil him by being at his beck and call and things will never change.
He doesn’t want to meet your friends
If a man doesn’t want to meet your friends, family, co-workers or pretty much anybody but you, he just wants to hook up and he only wants to put in the minimal effort necessary. Why should he impress your friends when the only place he plans on seeing you is the bedroom? Your friends won’t be there. It’s a simple as this: if a man is into you, he wants to know you and that includes your hobbies, where you like to hang out, your passions and the people in your life.
His parents were in town and you had no idea
The matter about meeting your friends is the same in reverse. If a man is into you he wants to show off his friends and family to you. He wants to show you off to them. He wants to implicate you into his life. Also, he wants to know what his friends and family think about you! Anybody who is falling for someone wants their friend’s and family’s notes on that person (well, at least the friends). But if they just want to keep it casual, they don’t care what their friends and family think of you or visa versa.
He’s not a good listener
It’s true that a lot of men suffer from ADHD, and after dating for a while you’d notice their listening skills waver. But even a guy with the worst ADHD, when he is courting a girl he is really into, will double up on his medication and make sure to pay attention to you! If you’re out with a guy that keeps looking around while you’re talking, or answering you with, “Huh? Sorry. I’m kind of spacey” he’s just waiting to sleep with you.
He pushes for sex
If a man plans on being with you for a while, what’s the rush on sex? Granted, if you make a man wait months…well, men have needs and it’s understandable if he gets antsy. However, if a man is pressuring you to have sex within the first few dates, that’s because, sex is all he wants from you. He may not even realize that himself yet but, a man who is into you realizes very well that no good comes from pushing for sex.
He kisses rough
Having a real crush on a girl brings out the tender side in any guy, and that means tender kisses. If a man gets really aggressive with his kisses, pushing you against walls and shoving his tongue down your throat or in your ear, that means that you make him horny. And that’s good, but you don’t want to only make a guy horny. A man who really likes your personality will calm down and give you a gentler kiss.