In the beginning of a relationship, you do nice things for your partner to impress her, rather than to make her feel good—that’s just a bonus. You want to show her what the package includes, should she decide to buy it. And so, unfortunately, once you’ve wooed her and won her, it’s easy to get too comfortable and stop making the large and loving gestures you once made. You think, “She knows that I adore her/find her attractive/am happy with her. So I don’t have to show it.” And, while she probably does know, once the effort goes out the window, so can the excitement of a relationship. And once that goes, your girlfriend/wife can start to wonder, “Is there something else out there? Is this what I want my life to be like?” A few simple gestures could keep those thoughts at bay.
Remember when you first started dating and every single trinket, CD, funny t-shirt and bag of candy reminded you of her and you were always bringing homes silly gifts? Don’t stop doing that! It may be something tiny, but those tiny gifts show your woman that your radar for things that would make her smile or laugh is constantly on. It shows her that, even on your busiest of days, you always keep a little spot in your mind for her. How else would you have noticed the True Blood character bobble head at the car wash? Little gifts tell her that to some degree, you’re always thinking of her.
Sure, you’ve made love a hundred times over. She’s gotten dressed up for you even more times. She knows you find her attractive. But, complimenting a woman isn’t only about telling her that you find her attractive—it’s about boosting her confidence. Every woman loves to step out for the day feeling that everyone she passes thinks, “Daaaamn.” Of course she does! And just that one little compliment from you—“You look pretty today”—can do that for her. Also, it makes her feel like you still get just as excited to see her as you did on your first few dates. Her appearance isn’t something you’ve become accustomed to, but it still perks you up and gets your attention.
When you fuse two lives, two groups of friends, two families, two careers, things get busy. So busy that, you both accept that alone time will be put on the back burner. You think, “We spend time together. We went to my friend’s birthday party last night and to visit her parents last week!” But, nothing can replace alone time. In order to feel close to you, a woman needs to feel focused on occasionally. And that just can’t happen when you’re constantly surrounded by friends/family/coworkers/roommates. Maybe just twice a month, plan a date night. Make it a long, all-night event that’s all about you and her. You can be cooking dinner together, going out for drinks and a show. But no one else can be invited. Your partner needs to be reminded that you are happy to be just with her, no distractions or other people. She needs to feel that her jokes, her personality and her presence are enough in and of themselves to make you happy.
Caring for her career
Aside from the silly gifts, another way you constantly keep your partner on your mind when the relationship is new is by thinking of ways to boost her career. If you meet someone who you think would be a good contact for her, you get their card. If you see a flyer for a class you think would benefit her, you grab it. Maybe, just on your drives when you are alone, you think a little bit about her career and steps she could take. You want to show her that you are supportive, and that you want her to continue to thrive as an individual, even though she is in a couple. But, as relationships go on, you can easily just become each other’s comfort after a long day. You live your separate lives, come home, eat dinner on the couch, have sex and pass out without really talking about your days. But, being a part of your partner’s successes and passions is a major bonding factor. It should never stop, no matter how exhausted you are by your own career.
Making her feel wanted
Of course you still enjoy sex. What man doesn’t? But, maybe now that you don’t have to work so hard to get it, you don’t work for it at all. Instead you just look over at her mid-movie and ask, “Want to have sex?” But this doesn’t make a woman feel very desired. It makes her feel like if she hadn’t been there, your hand would have sufficed just as well. You don’t need to light up candles and talk dirty every night, but just to diversify things, every so often take her by surprise. Hop in the shower when she’s in there. Walk in the door from work and immediately push her up against a wall. Make her feel like you had to have her. A few incidents like that in just one month is enough fuel for her sexual fantasies for a long time. She will be dying to be with you after something like that.
When you first started dating, you’d text her funny anecdotes or pictures throughout the day, or you’d just text to say, “I’m thinking about you.” You wanted her to know she was on your mind. Now that you’ve been together for a while, maybe you’ve both accepted that you’re not on each other’s minds as much and that euphoria and infatuation has worn off. But, the instant she gets a funny or sweet mid day text from you, she is time warped back to when you first met. She feels giddy and adored. Sure, she felt secure before and okay with not hearing from you until you got off work. But, sending that little mid day text, maybe under the table in a meeting, says to her, “You’re my partner in crime. You’re my friend. A little interaction with you makes my day 100X better.”
Being proud of her
Every woman on some level wants to feel like a trophy. She wants to feel that, out of all the women in the world, she’s the only one you want on your arm. And, she wants you to feel honored that out of all the men, she chose you. Nothing says that like a little PDA. When you first started dating, you couldn’t put the breaks on the PDA if you tried. Now, you probably look more like platonic friends when out at a party or bar together than a couple that is madly in love. Surprise her with some PDA. Next time you’re at a party and she is talking to some friends, come up behind her, wrap your arms around her waist and say, “Look at this woman. Did you know that I am crazy about this woman?” She will LOVE that.