Don’t Be His Fool, or His Doormat: Excuses Women Need to Stop Making For Men
Females can be so soft, so accommodating, so understanding. It’s our charm, and our curse. We want to be the cushion our man rests his head on after a long day. We want to be the easiest part of his life, his support system and his unrelenting comfort. We want to be these things so much, that sometimes we forget about ourselves and our needs. For fear of being demanding, we can become a doormat. But never forget that, he should be all those wonderful things to you too—supporting, comforting, understanding. If you’re not getting what you need, admit it to yourself. Even if you understand why he can’t give it to you—even if you can come up with a dozen excuses for him, excuses don’t keep you warm at night.
He couldn’t pay for me forever
It’s true—if you link up your lives, it’s just not sustainable for a man to pay for you every single time you get popcorn at the movies or a pack of gum on a road trip. He may even let you foot the bill on meals sometimes. But, paying for someone isn’t about covering somebody who couldn’t cover themselves. It’s about treating someone. And that is a concept that should never leave a relationship. If your man has gotten lazy about treating you, always expecting to just go Dutch on every single bill, even on romantic dinners, or just looking at you to foot the bill, don’t just make the excuse that he can’t pay for you forever. No, he doesn’t have to pay for you forever, or every single time. But, he should still occasionally be treating you.
He’s just crazy busy
So he goes all day, or even a couple of days, without contacting you. Did the guy not sit down on a toilet any time over the last two days? Because that’s a perfectly good time to send a text. Look, if a man wants to be in a relationship he can’t just get in that one track zone where he forgets about anything and everyone but himself. If you regularly don’t talk for a couple of days at a time, over time, you just won’t be as connected as you could be. More importantly, I’m sorry but you’re not a priority to this man. There is no excuse for why in 24 hours or more (screw it, even 12 hours) a person couldn’t find 30 seconds to send a text message to someone they allegedly really care about. Even heart surgeons text, and they save lives! What exactly is your man doing again?
It’s a good thing he’s gotten comfortable with me
So comfortable that he doesn’t feel the need to put on a whole song and dance of planning dates for you. Now, all you do is order takeout and watch TV, and have sex in your usual positions, finishing in your usual time, every single night. UM…planning dates and special activities for you isn’t supposed to be so that he can impress you. It’s supposed to be so that he can do something that will make you happy! It’s about him doing something completely selfless, so that you can enjoy yourself. Thirty years into marriage you should still be occasionally planning special surprises and activities for one another. And you sure as heck should still be doing it only a few years or months into dating.
He’s just not a good communicator
Women will say this like it’s the same as, “He just doesn’t like ketchup on his burgers.” Like it’s no big deal. Like it’s incidental, and really doesn’t affect the relationship…HELLO? A man’s communication skills dictate the overall feeling of happiness you will get every single second in that relationship. Whether you realize it or not, you will just not be as close to a non-communicative man who shuts down easily as you would be with one who is open to listening and expressing himself without freaking out. And, learning to be a good communicator isn’t just optional. It’s a necessity. It’s not your job to accommodate to his fear of communication. It’s his job to grow up and learn how to have good communication with his partners.
He’s just not ready yet
To become exclusive, to move in together, to have you meet his parents, to get married…Look, you shouldn’t rush a man. But, you know in your heart of hearts that, if it’s meant to be, you and a guy are usually on the same page. Maybe a couple of pages apart. But, there’s a deeply rooted issue if you wanted to move in together last year, and he’s still not there. Or you’ve been waiting for him to pop the question for a couple of years and he still says he wants to take things slow. Or even worse, when you’re ready to be his girlfriend and he still wants to “get to know you better.” If you are on such different pages, you’ll probably never be on the same page.
I don’t want to add to his plate
So he’s got a busy life. He’s stressed about work. He’s got family drama. He’s got money problems. You can see that he has no more space for anybody else’s problems. Well, guess what? He better make space! You’re not just a bottomless pit that he can vent into. You have a full and stressful life of your own! Part of being in a relationship means knowing how to take on someone else’s life and wanting to hear about their problems and help them with them from time to time. He’s not your little 8-year-old boy home from school, stressed about what happened during recess and incapable of understanding your grownup problems. HE is a grownup! He needs to act like one and let you vent too and stop making you feel like you’re becoming a burden.
I’m happy either way, so…
You’re happy to eat at any restaurant, to go out or stay in, to watch any movie so, you always do what he wants. That way, everyone is happy. Don’t let him get used to that! Relationships are about not only compromise, but sometimes sacrifice! Sacrifice shows you really care about someone. Sure, you’re “happy” either way. But, be real: you’d be happier if for once you could see the movie/eat at the restaurant you wanted to. And he shouldn’t be conditioned to always get his way. He should be happy to let you have your way sometimes.
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