You Can’t Handle The Truth! Things Men Lie About To Spare Our Feelings

April 8, 2012  |  
1 of 11

Men and women lie – there’s no doubt about that. I’m not sure if there’s ever a good excuse for lying, but we may always be able to offer a “reason.” We can say that men and women lie for different reasons, but at the end of the day, my guess is that men and women lie to either save their behind or spare our feelings (or both). Most men think women are emotionally fragile creatures who can’t handle the truth – and here are a few examples of “good lies” (if there is such a thing) that men tell us to keep the peace….

You’re Not Fat

If he loves you, he won’t try to hurt your feelings when it comes to your weight – especially if he knows that’s a sore subject for you. Body issues are common in both men and women, and no one wants to be told they’re fat, balding, droopy or saggy. But trust me, if you have mirrors or a scale in your house, you don’t need to be told if you’ve gained a few pounds, so don’t ask him if you look fat. Just let him grab onto those love handles or hit the gym. It’s that simple.

You’re a Great Cook

If you can’t boil water, don’t subject your man to your cooking and make him lie about how great dinner was. If your steak is tough as leather or your cookies are burnt to a crisp – toss it and order Chinese. He may choke your food down to make you happy, but at the end of the day, you know it’s so terrible that you wouldn’t even feed it to your dog. Take cooking classes or ask his mother for the family recipe and put this man out of his misery.

I Didn’t Get Your Text

Dude, yes you did, you were just out with Craig and’nem and didn’t want to be disturbed. But men think you’ll freak out and slit your wrists if he actually tells you that he wants to spend time AWAY from you, so he conveniently blames his wack Sprint service or his bootleg phone for his not getting back to you and telling you where he was for the past 2 hours. I mean, he could also be with his side chick, but for the purposes of this article, we’ll just give him the benefit of the doubt that he simply wanted some “guy” or “me” time.

 I Have to Work Late

Along the same lines of not wanting to be found, it’s easier for him to tell you in advance when he’ll be unreachable so that he doesn’t have to explain his whereabouts later. Chances are, he knows you won’t disturb him at work, so he has a few hours to play uninterrupted. Again, he could be up to no good, but he could also simply want to hit the bar to watch the game with his boys, or unwind before going home. I’m not saying it’s right, but hey…it happens.

I’ll Call You

Now, if you’ve just met, or were a one night stand, he may tell you he’ll call you just to be polite. Most times when a man says he’ll call, he means he MIGHT call. No man, unless he’s a complete jerk, will blatantly chuck up the deuces and state that he WON’T call you, it’s just a phrase men use in a parting situation that doesn’t make him seem like…well…a jerk. If a man you’ve just met says this, don’t wait by the phone. If he DOES call, great. If not,  keep it moving.

It’s Not You, It’s me

Another time a man doesn’t want to come off as a jerk is during a breakup. No one wants to be the bad guy when breaking up with someone, men and women alike, so he’ll say this to keep your feelings (and the tires and windows on his car) intact. He’ll say, “You deserve better” or “I’m simply not ready for a great woman like you,” when what he really wants to say is “You’re a psycho and I can’t wait to get away from you!” If a guy uses this line on you, don’t cry and move on. He’s giving you an out with some dignity. Take it.

I Don’t Watch Adult Videos

I have yet to meet a man who doesn’t watch Adult Videos. There may be a man who doesn’t, I’ve just never met him – just like I’ve never seen a leprechaun or a unicorn. Men don’t tell us about their Adult Videos fetish for fear of appearing to be a freak, or because they don’t want us to feel like we’re not satisfying them. Personally, I think it’s okay for a man to watch Adult Videos – whether I’m around or not. He can learn a thing or two, and his fantasies about these women don’t equal love (hopefully…and can benefit us in the long run). That’s a lie I think most men should stop telling, because believe it or not, women like Adult Videos too.

I Wasn’t Looking at Her…

The funny thing about a man denying that he was looking at a woman’s breasts, bum or any other body part is that usually, his woman saw her coming a mile away LONG before he did. It’s pointless to try to convince your lady that you didn’t see the chick with the donkey booty or CoCo implants, because most men don’t even realize they’re doing it until they turn around to see their girlfriend or wife giving them the side eye. We know men are visual, we know you’re going to look – just try not to break your neck doing it while we’re on your arm. That’s just rude.

I Love You (Too)

Now, this lie is usually told as a last resort to get himself out of some sort of trouble – or if he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings if you’ve professed your love first. Sometimes men also blurt this out in the heat of passion and then can’t take it back because he wants the sex to keep coming. If he doesn’t want to lose you and the sex is off the chain, sometimes a man will say he loves you so that you’ll stick around…even if he doesn’t quite mean it yet. That doesn’t mean he’ll NEVER love you, so just make sure you pay attention to his actions, as well as his words to see if his love is REALLY real.

 You’re the Best Sex I’ve Ever Had

We all want to believe that no woman, besides us, has ever turned her man out. But that stripper he had a one night stand with just might have had a few more tricks up her sleeve than you do. But he’s not in love with her, he loves you – so he’ll tell you that no one has ever put it on him like you do. Most likely, the woman (or man) that we end up is rarely the best sex we ever had, unless he was a virgin before he met you in which case you can believe that story and make sure it stays that way!

Trending on MadameNoire

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN