‘Shrekking’ Is The Toxic Dating Trend Convincing Women To Date Ugly Men — And It’s Backfiring - Page 3
Inspired by the 2001 DreamWorks film 'Shrek,' this unpleasant dating habit occurs when someone purposefully and strategically dates down, hoping that they'll be treated better.
A new toxic dating trend has emerged, and it’s called “Shrekking.” Inspired by the 2001 DreamWorks film Shrek, this unpleasant dating habit occurs when someone purposefully and strategically dates down, hoping that they’ll be treated better, only to get heartbroken by the very person they deemed inferior from the start. Victims call this “getting shrekked,” according to a video shared by breakup expert Amy Chan .
If you’ve ever seen the movie Shrek, you’ll remember how Princess Fiona falls in love with the tall, gruff, and less-than-handsome ogre, Shrek. Their unexpected romance is charming on screen, but relationship experts warn that adopting this “Shrekking” approach to dating in real life can do more harm than good.
Here’s why shrekking is downright toxic.
For starters, it’s a flawed and superficial mindset. Assuming that someone is less attractive than you—and then choosing to date them in hopes they’ll treat you better—sets a shaky foundation for any relationship. It creates an unequal dynamic from the beginning, where one partner is seen as inferior based solely on looks. That kind of imbalance can breed resentment, not connection.
True connection comes from mutual respect, shared values, and emotional compatibility, not from trying to outsmart the dating game based on appearances. Love, after all, isn’t about settling or strategizing. It’s about genuinely seeing—and valuing—each other.
Now, before anyone gets defensive, let’s acknowledge the obvious: physical attraction matters. We all want to feel a spark with the person we’re dating. But intentionally “dating down” because you think someone will automatically be more loyal or kind isn’t just misguided; it’s unfair to both of you. Being less conventionally attractive doesn’t guarantee good character, because let’s be real—ogres can be mean too.
Emma Hathorn, a relationship expert, also stressed a similar point of view, noting that appearances and character should never be interconnected. In an interview with USA Todaypublished Aug. 24, the dating expert shared that while it’s perfectly fine to date “outside of your zone,” it’s important to do so with genuine intentions—seeking real connection and romance, not just hoping for better treatment. As with any dating situation, take the time to properly get to know the person. Go on several dates, communicate openly, and make sure the chemistry is mutual before considering anything serious.
“When two people are genuinely driven towards a similar goal and values, they can find an attraction in each other that surprises them and refutes the shallower factors like physical type and societal expectations,” Hathorn added.
