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Everybody has patterns. If you think you don’t have one, then your pattern might just be constantly fighting not to do the same thing you did in all of your previous relationships, which is a pattern in itself. Falling into these patterns might be slowing you down in your search for Mr. Right:

Misunderstanding comfort
Have you ever met someone you feel oddly comfortable with right off the bat? You somehow have them figured out already—you know what makes them laugh, what not to say around them, and there is instant chemistry. And you can’t quite put your finger on why. Often it’s because he has certain traits (the bad traits) your ex had, and nearly every ex before that, and you aren’t picking up on them yet. All you’re picking up on is the chemistry, because that chemistry is strong. But don’t let it be overpowering. If you feel an instant click with someone, ask yourself, “Is he similar to my ex?”

Talking to the ex
“It’s harmless. We were together for a long time. It would be sad to stop talking to him.” Just some of the many excuses women use to continue chatting with an ex. Some send just one “harmless” text a week. But if you’re doing this, you subconsciously still believe you are off the market. You’re not actually putting yourself out there as much as you would if you had to face the hard reality that he is gone or needs to be gone from your life. And the only way to face that is to stop talking to him.

Forgetting excitement
Companionship is nice. It can be so nice that we can ignore the fact that there is no excitement in it! This is called dating out of boredom, or loneliness. Many women date a man who they find things are easy with. They couldn’t say a bad thing about the guy, but there’s really no spark between the two of you. There are no fights. There is no worrying, “Does he like me? Why hasn’t he called back?” And since it’s easy, they tell themselves, “Maybe this is how it’s supposed to be. None of the usual drama.” But guess what: that usual drama was there because it was part of feeling excited about someone. Which you should be. If you’re just not feeling anything and you can’t put your finger on why, then it’s a sign you guys just weren’t meant to click.

Dating too soon
Sometimes the best dating tip is to not date at all. Many women, to ignore their pain over a breakup, start dating instantly. But, there’s no way you’re going to find A) a stable man and B) a good match this way. No stable man would think it was okay for a woman to just jump into a new relationship moments after the last one, so chances are, he just wants to roll around in the hay with you. And you just can’t find a good match if you’ll take whatever comes your way in order to avoid dealing with your pain and loneliness.

Going on an adventure kick
Some women, instead of contemplating what went wrong in their last relationship, or asking, “What is wrong with me?” go directly into thinking, “I’m just dating the wrong types of guys” and go on an adventure kick. They date bad boys because they always date nice ones. Or visa versa. They go for someone conservative instead of their usual liberal-minded companions. But, if they do this, they’re not seeing these guys for who they are, but rather for who they are not—the ex-boyfriend.

Pretending to be a player
After a heartbreak, many women turn to this method. The “I don’t care. I have no feelings. Boys are my toys” mentality. They date multiple guys at once. They sleep around. They toss their head back as they tell their best friends of the way they are playing three guys at once. But guess what? It is such BS. This typically ends in one of the guys finding out, being hurt, getting mad, and the woman’s poker face completely falling apart as she says, “I’m so sorry…this really isn’t like me…” In an effort to feel empowered after having her heartbroken, she breaks a heart. And then feels like a Be-yotch.

Lying to themselves
Does he call the shots when you hang out? Do you wait for him to get in contact with you for days? Is he seeing other people and you’re not but “that’s fine”? I call bull****. So many women lie to themselves, telling themselves they are satisfied with what they are getting from a guy because they just want to be getting something. When in reality, they do wish he would put in more of an effort. They just think it’s too hard to find someone who will put in that effort, so a gal may as well take what she can get.

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