Would You Allow Your Man To Cheat?

August 6, 2010  |  

Is allowing your husband or boyfriend to sleep with other women, the key to a lasting relationship?

Some women think so. And the solution is controlled infidelity.

Former mistress and Sugarbabe author Holly Hill, who has recently been featured on CNN and The View, is quick to state the reason why she thinks controlled infidelity is the answer. Her claim: It’s better to walk the dog on a leash than let it escape through an unseen hole in the back fence.

If you’re wondering, as I did, if women ‘like us’ really buy into the idea of controlled infidelity, surprisingly there are some of us who do.

Yes Madames, there are actually some women who allow their men to sleep with other women. And while I don’t personally know any, apparently there are some who exist.

Let’s not forget Oscar winning actress, Mo’Nique, who made headlines when she announced that she and her husband, Sidney Hicks, have an open marriage.

According to Mo’Nique it’s not a deal breaker or a need to end a marriage. In an interview during her Oscar special, Monique was asked by Barbara Walters, ‘what if he cheats 20 times?’ Mo’Nique’s honest response was “So what? We’ve been best friends for over 25 years, and we truly know who we are.”

Some women believe that it’s in a man’s nature to cheat, so you may as well give him permission to do so. Of course there are some rules to this (hence the term controlled infidelity).  Non-emotional sex is permitted only. Overnight stays, dates, and weekend getaways are not allowed. If this sounds like a recipe for disaster to you, we’re probably on the same page.

It’s a known fact that women, for the most part, are more emotional creatures than men when it comes to sex and relationships. For this reason, it’s easier for a woman to get attached after a sexual encounter.

But it’s not impossible for this to happen to a man. If he’s constantly allowed to have sex, who’s to say he won’t get attached or even fall in love with his ‘mistress’. And really, could a woman even get upset if she ‘allowed’ him to do so?

If a so-called relationship isn’t expected to be monogamous, then what are the expectations for commitment? And on a higher level, marriage is supposed to be sacred. Doesn’t it lose its value when you allow your husband to bring other women into your relationship?

While I understand Mo’nique’s and Hill’s rationale, I can’t buy into the idea of ‘controlled infidelity’. Some things, (like feelings that may arise when a man is given permission to be with other women), simply can’t be controlled; and in the long run, it seems like a path leading to drama and heartbreak.

Madames, do you think in order to make him stay, he should be allowed to stray?

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