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From a young age, you grow up around the idea that “bad” people should be punished. You saw it in news stories about criminals going to jail and crooked politicians making public, humiliating apologies. Maybe your parents punished you as a child when you misbehaved through time-outs or spankings. It’s one of the more antiquated ideas about self-improvement: make someone feel really bad about something they did, and they won’t do it again. The American Psychological Association has even shown that self-punishment can provide temporary relief from feelings of guilt. But that doesn’t make it healthy.

Modern behavioral psychologists see things differently. Mistakes should be an opportunity to learn and improve – not grounds for punishment. But if you were raised in a militant household where you were chastised instead of reasoned with after bad behavior, punishment can become a way of life. And, when you no longer have parents around to punish you, you might do it to yourself.

Here are five common forms of self-punishment plus a more productive way to handle disappointment.

 

Negative Thoughts

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After making a mistake at work or in any sort of task, you might self-punish by saying mean, condescending things about yourself. These can be thoughts like, “I’m so stupid” or “I’ll never amount to anything.” The subconscious idea is that if you make yourself feel bad enough, you’ll be motivated to never repeat the behavior.

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