Source: jeffbergen / Getty
Couples’ chemistry is one of the hardest things to get right. You’ll spend years looking for “the one,” and then once you find that person, you’ll go through it all again looking for another couple you vibe with. Having great couple friends makes a relationship easier. You don’t have to choose between spending time with your friend or your partner – everybody can get together for double dates.
But it only works if all four parties like each other, in every direction. That means you have to like your friend’s partner, they have to like you, both your friend and their partner have to like your partner, and your partner has to like both of them. Yikes. Is anyone else dizzy?
Finding that magical foursome chemistry is rare – very rare. In most cases, two people in that foursome won’t jive and it blows up the whole dynamic. So, what do you do when it’s your partner who doesn’t like your best friend’s partner? You can’t force a friendship. If you want to avoid double date drama, you just have to practice amazing diplomacy.
Do Not Force It
https://giphy.com/gifs/Uninterrupted-lebron-james-uninterrupted-PMn4k9o5zNtiFYTspl
Do not try to convince your partner that they like your friend’s partner. Your partner knows who they like and don’t like. And if you’re being honest with yourself, you can probably even see why they’re not nuts about your BFF’s partner. Plus, you wouldn’t want your significant other to force you to hang out with one of their buddy’s SOs if you didn’t like them. Accept the situation, so you can move on to solutions mode.
Expand The Group
https://giphy.com/gifs/Bounce-TV-family-holidays-greeting-OJpfJEoSAV4iv53ihz
If your partner absolutely must be around your friend’s partner, expand the group. Invite additional couples – couples that your partner likes – to create a buffer. At least then your partner doesn’t have to spend the whole night talking to the one person they don’t like. They can mingle and chat with others.
Choose An Activity Your SO Loves
https://giphy.com/gifs/readingrainbow-reaction-26gsuhaX1W0p2Ju3S
Even though you’ll do your best to limit these hangouts (we’ll get to how), they might still happen. When they do, throw your partner a bone, and choose an activity they love to soften the blow. You can take the group to your partner’s favorite restaurant or bar. Or you can opt for something like a concert or movie where your partner doesn’t have to talk to other people.
Come To A Compromise
https://giphy.com/gifs/peacocktv-the-best-man-final-chapters-5jd8NeXLt8S8IDUzOf
Relationships are about compromise. You probably have to spend time with people in your partner’s life who you don’t like. They come with the package. If your partner is being stubborn, remind them that you have to hang out with that one friend/family member of theirs you don’t love. It’s not about keeping score, but just remembering that when you date/marry someone, you welcome their people into your life, too.
Push For More “Friends Nights”
https://giphy.com/gifs/karencivil-dance-dancing-dIQFWAnedSqquTMOPd
Now, as for your friend, you’ll need a way to deal with her. She might try to push for double dates. You have to get ahead of that. Reach out to her before she reaches out to you and explicitly ask for one-on-one time with her. If she wants to plan a couples’ vacation, say you could really use a “friends trip” instead.
Set Up The Expectation That Your SO Is Busy
Start dropping hints that your partner is insanely busy. When your friend or her partner ask how your SO is, dramatize how overwhelmed they’ve been. Tell them the two of you barely have time for date nights. Set up the expectation that your partner has no free time, so they don’t take it personally when your SO can’t hang out.
See If It Resolves Itself
Sometimes these things have a way of resolving themselves. After a couple more hangouts, the two SOs might realize that the feeling is mutual. You could find that your friend is the one pushing for more friends’ nights. Maybe on her end, her partner said they didn’t like your partner anymore. Sometimes things work out that way.
