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Cheerful young woman receiving a gift from her boyfriend expressing their love languages

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You’ve likely heard of the five love languages (if you need a refresher, MADAMENOIRE breaks them down here). There is a myth that couples must speak the same ones if they’re going to make things work. But if people with different native languages can fall in love – with the gaps in humor, sayings and slang – then people with different love languages can (and do) go the distance. Your love language simply describes the category or categories of behaviors that, when you do them, are your way of showing affection and appreciation.

Perhaps your partner doesn’t inherently feel that love at the level you’re giving it through those actions for now, but, that doesn’t mean that they can’t. Long-term relationships are always about building better communication every day, and that means understanding your partner’s intentions and feelings, even when they aren’t explicitly stated. That can be done with love languages. Here is how to make it work when you have different love languages.


Learn What Your Love Languages Are

First, sit down and have a conversation about what your love languages are. It’s possible that neither of you ever really gave thought to this before. You can discuss each language (words of affirmation, acts of service, gifts, quality time, and physical touch) and rank how important each one is to you on a scale of one to five. This helps both of you learn which one is worth getting better at for the other, and which one isn’t worth spending too much energy on.

Also talk about why your love languages mean so much to you. This might involve ways you were brought up, parts of your belief system, or other personal experiences. When you and your partner get a closer look at the meaning of your love languages, you might connect more deeply to your partner’s love language and be more invested in learning it.

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