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Dear Ashley,

What’s your take on a Black and culturally, African spiritual-centered, woke woman having a race fetish, particularly for a white man? This white man is Italian and serious about his position denouncing and eradicating white supremacy and white privilege. –And he got good juju and he’s doing ancestral healing work as well. Yet, I’m still curious and surprised at my desire to suck his white dick. Thoughts?

Thank you,

Ms. Race Fetishizer


Dear, Ms Race Fetishizer:

Race Play is a hot topic. Rapper Maino recently revealed on Angela Yee’s Lip Service podcast that he enjoys reenacting runaway slave scenarios with white women in the bedroom.  As a sex expert, I’m not supposed to yuck anyone’s yum, but the me who is just Ashley thinks certain type of race play is weird and ultimately, a cry for help. Everything you do doesn’t need to be public knowledge. In the words of Demetria Lucas, STFU is free and this was definitely one of those times. However, unlike Maino who wants to be treated like a slave during sex by white women, you just want to suck white dick and I don’t see anything particularly wrong with that.

I once read about this dominatrix named Mistress Velvet, who would require her white male clients to read Black feminist theory. Mistress Velvet who recently passed away was a Chicgao-based domme who wanted to educate her clients and change their behaviors about Black women. In doing so she required clients to read passages from books–such as Sister Outsider by Andre Lorde and The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander–during their sessions. As a result of the readings, she noticed her clients started to shift their thinking in terms of how they viewed Black women. One of her clients even started an organization for single Black mothers in Southside, Chicago. If you are interested in race play from a #Woke woman’s standpoint, I would encourage you to take a page out of the late Mistress Velvet’s book. Make sure the white man with whom you want to engage is not simply fetishizing Black women, but also recognizes his white privilege has contributed to a systemic issue.

I’m not saying you have to give him reading passages as homework. Although, it’s not a bad idea. What I am saying is you two should definitely have a talk about his ancestral healing journey and what he’s learned thus far before sucking his dick. 

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Dear Ashley is a weekly sex column where Sexpert Ashley Cobb answers your intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits! Have a sex question, Ashley, “Your Favorite Friend In Filth,” has an answer. Email Ashley at

Ashley Cobb is the millennial microphone that brings the conversation of Black women’s pleasure to the forefront. Creator of digital platform Gossip And Gasms, her work and words have been featured in Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Shape Magazine, Business Insider, and Huffington Post. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter via @sexwithashley

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