Ever since black men have been free to swirl without fear of being drawn and quartered in MOST states, we black women have clucked our tongues, shook our heads, and beat our breasts about “those” women taking our best men. We watch, mouths agape, as Tyrone peacocks around with Trailer Becky or Meth-Head Mary, and think, why her? She’s not even cute!
AND THEN, the coils in our hair tighten just a smidgen more at the nape when we watch a refined, educated black man who has never seen the inside of Folsom Prison (and knows no one who has), has no baby mammas, and makes a gazillion-million dollars run off with a Swedish nanny.
Just to rub a little more salt into the raw wound, a recent Pew Research Study comes out and airs the laundry with the poop stains and reports that 22 percent of black men (who say “I do”) marry interracially, while only 9 percent of their female counterparts follow suit. Damn, doesn’t anyone want to marry us?
Well…yeah.
It appears that the ongoing assumption that “rainbow men don’t want us” has been an attempt by some facets of the black community to dissuade black women from using all their options in the dating field. Well, that’s not entirely the truth: Boom Qui Qui with the basket weave and spandex, holding a package of red hot Cheetos in one hand and a glass of grape Kool-Aid in the other might get the pass-over.
If you are educated, upwardly mobile, like to read and go to museums, have no gold teeth or tattoos on your girlie parts that say, Ray Ray’s Itchbay, chances are there’s a rainbow man somewhere, waiting for you RIGHT NOW.
Go check.
Not there yet? Well give it time: according to Larry Davis, Ph.D., Dean, Donald M. Henderson Professor, and Director, Center on Race and Social Problems at the University of Pittsburgh, rainbow men–especially the white ones–are quietly poaching our best and brightest black women. “White men are marrying high-end black women, while black men will date anybody.” (Now hold your rotten e-tomatoes, he said it, not me, although I personally think he’s a genius.)
To summarize: Dr. Davis, who happens to be a black, believes the double-digit numbers of black men marrying interracially is because, well…they’re not too picky. On the other hand, “white men have choices–if he’s going to date and marry a black woman, he’s going to pick the [crème de la crème]. When it comes to interracial dating, black people have always had to bring more to the table romantically,” says Davis.
From my own experience, this scholar’s notion has credibility. I asked my husband, who happens to be white, if he would have married me had I not gone to college.
He straight up told me: “no.”
That’s because interracial match-ups for black women have more to do with socioeconomic conditions. If you are a high-achieving woman climbing the corporate ladder, sorry to say that there’s not enough black men up there with you. Unless you’re willing to claw another woman’s eyes out to compete with the other 50 women fighting for those 10 black men, it just might be time to do what black men have done for decades.
On the plus side, your success makes you pretty attractive to a variety of non-black men. If you’re waiting for permission, consider yourself excused.
Christelyn D. Karazin is the co-author of Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race Culture and Creed and runs a blog, http://www.beyondblackwhite.com, dedicated to women of color who are interested and or involved in interracial and intercultural relationships.
