Recently, the women of “The Real,” had an interesting discussion about engagement rings from an old post they found on The Frugal Feminista. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed but discussions about money, love and societal pressures have a tendency to make people sensitive. And discussions about engagement rings combine all three.
The question was, if you wanted a certain type of ring for yourself and your man was not able to provide that ring for you, would you have a problem going half on it. Would you be okay bucking tradition and putting money down on your ring in order to have exactly what you wanted?
Garcelle Beauvais was adamant about the fact that this would not be okay in her world.
“Hell no. And I say that because it’s tradition. He is asking for your hand. He’s not asking for half of your hand. I feel like when you’re dating a guy and he gives you jewelry, you should be honest with him. ‘I like it. I don’t like it.’ So when he gives you the engagement ring, you really love it. He’s gotta pay for it.”
That’s all well and good for celebrities and people who’ve got it like that. But most of us aren’t receiving any type of expensive jewelry throughout the dating phase. To be honest, the first piece of jewelry we receive—should the relationship progress to this point—is an engagement ring. And if you’ve haven’t had a conversation, or he hasn’t consulted the people closest to you, then it can be very difficult to determine what your actual taste may be.
And I’m sorry, you can call me shallow all you want no woman wants to be walking around wearing a ring she can’t stand.
I’m not saying I’d jump at the chance to finance my engagement ring either.
Adrienne Houghton said that if she truly loved a man, she would be willing to accept something a little cheaper, perhaps something not real because it’s more about the symbol than the piece of jewelry.
“At some point you need to ask yourself what matters more, does the style of the ring matter more than the love and the marriage you want with this person. If you’ve had the conversation and he genuinely is like, ‘Listen, I want to marry you but I can’t afford a ring.’ And you offer [to pay half] and it doesn’t affect him—which is a very rare situation—then I think that’s fine. If he feels indifferent, then you get the ring you wanted.”
Adrienne said that she honestly wouldn’t have cared what type of ring her husband got her. But it was important to him that she wear a certain type of rock.
Jeannie Mae said that was all well and good but in the situation, she would not want to be “showing off” a ring she had to put money down on.
I’m all for a fake stone. I don’t care about it being a diamond. You get can get something cute and something you’ll like even if it’s super cheap.
I used to think I would just accept anything. But the internet has shown me some things I could not and would not wear. And hopefully my man would know that before making that type of presentation.
Some traditions honestly don’t mean much when you start digging. Engagement rings weren’t even a thing until a diamond company decided to launch a campaign and make money. If a man is not offended, then let sis have what she wants.
Loni Love made perhaps one of the strongest points at the very end of the conversation, you can always upgrade. There’s no rule that you have to die with the same ring he proposed with. If you want something better, that can be arranged.
What do you think about this conversation, would you be willing to pay for your engagement ring in order to get what you want?
You can watch the conversation in the video below.