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Happy toothy smiles around the baby

Source: Jasmin Merdan / Getty

This week, during a phone interview with Angela Bassett, I asked her for her best piece of marital advice. Her response was “Marry the right person.” Simple, yet powerful, she emphasized the importance of carefully selecting the person who is best for you before saying “I do” so that you’re not trying to fit a round peg in a square hole after the fact. Her words resonated with me in many ways and also caused me to think about how essential it is to choose the parent of your child with the same intentionality because while marriages can end, parenthood is forever.

It’s not uncommon to hear people complain that their partner or ex-partner changed for the worse after having kids. While this may be true in a handful of cases, what normally happens is that those negative qualities that were once overlooked have now become exacerbated by the fact that they now have to raise a child with this person. Unfortunately, the carefree spirit that rests on the shoulder’s of a relationship before a couple becomes parents can cause them to see each other through rose-colored glasses.

If you fantasize about spending forever with a person but are wondering if that will change once you have kids with them, ask yourself the following questions.

How do they respond to stress?

The way that a person handles stress is highly important to consider before deciding to have children with them because babies can place a tremendous strain on couples and individuals. While we all cope with stress differently, some people are ticking time bombs under pressure, which can have unhealthy and detrimental effects on children.

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