During her appearance on the “Tamron Hall Show,” Tamar Braxton announced that she was stepping away from reality tv forever and ever and instead venturing into the podcast space.
Her show, Under Construction, recently featured comedian and Academy Award winning actress Mo’Nique.
During their chat, the two spoke about finding and submitting to love.
Mo’Nique shared that she knew a little something about that and explained it in her use of the word “Daddy,” in referring to her husband Sidney Hicks.
She told Tamar:
“We pull up somewhere, right? And he came around to my side of the door and he said, ‘Can you please let me treat you like a lady?’ And I didn’t know what to say to that. I didn’t know how to respond to that. And when people say to me, ‘Why do you call him Daddy?’ And I tell them because he’s raising me. He’s giving me everything that my father did not. And when I tell you sometimes it can be so gottdamned embarrassing and it’s just me and him in the room. It ain’t nobody else in the room. And he’s had to say some things Tamar that has taken me to my knees. And then he’ll pick me back up and say, ‘Is anything I’m saying to you not true?’ And I’ll say, ‘Everything you’re saying to me is true. But right now, n*gga, my ego, I need you to walk away. Because the crazy b*tch inside of me, she’s getting ready to say something. So when I say to Black women, if you have a good one, let your guard down and let it happen. You gon hear some sh*t that’s gone shock you.”
As much as I understand Mo’Nique sharing that her husband is nurturing and loving her in a way that she might have wished her father had and he’s teaching her things she should have learned earlier, equating a fatherly love in a sexual, romantic relationship is troubling. There should be a clear distinction there.
And I wonder what happens when you put the responsibility of being a father-figure on someone who is in your life to fulfill an entirely different role?
Explaining more about their relationship dynamics, Mo’Nique shared:
“We’ve been best friends since we were 14 years old. From tenth grade. So there are conversations that he and I can have that no one else can have those conversations with me. I had to get my ego out of the way. I had to understand the business person that he was. And I had to understand he has our best interest. You got a manager, that manager go home to his family and his wife. And in the middle of the night, when I’m crying that manager ain’t gon come rub my back.
So when people say how does it work, I had to get me out of the way. I had to let go of my guard. I was always ready. I was like, ‘If you look like you getting ready to swing, Ima get two off before you get one off.’ So it works because I trust him and he trusts me…and we’re unafraid to say what I need to hear, not what I want to hear…He just kept nurturing me and showing me a patience I had never seen before. He saved my life.
I don’t give a damn if we’re talking about business at 2’o clock in the morning or the generations we’ll never meet. I don’t care because it all go together. And when my mood is crazy, he’ll say, ‘What you need right now? What’s going on with you right now?’ So I say to us, when you can fight for it, fight for it. Because if you keep wanting it to be easy, you’ll be in relationship after relationship. This my third husband and I had quite a few fellas in between.
But what I had to realize was I had it, I just had to allow someone to unlock it.
Me and my mother—we went through a tug of war until my mother left this earth. I watched my mother become envious. I watched my mother become jealous. And this is a man my mother has known since I was a child. But I watched it. And then she said to me one day, ‘You’ve given Sidney all the power.’ And I said, ‘Mommy, what you’re seeing me give Sidney is respect. And that’s something that you and my father couldn’t come to grips with. So it’s not me giving him power, it’s me showing him respect because he’s respecting me too.
So that’s why when I say, when it’s real—and only you know that. Only you know that pillow talk. When wasn’t nobody there to wipe you’re a$$ when you could not wipe it yourself, and that man said, ‘I got you.’ Only you know that. And then I had to learn how to reciprocate. Because I thought it was all about, ‘Give it to me. Fix me. Heal me. Make me.’
That’s why I tell you, I was wild as sh*t for the first five years. So when people say Mo’Nique what you doing different? I’m being considerate. I’m trying to be as patient as I can because somebody is showing me patience when I don’t deserve it.”
What do you think about Mo’Nique’s comments? You can listen to the full podcast here.