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2020 Vanity Fair Oscar After Party

Source: David Crotty / Getty

Two weeks ago, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend shared the heartbreaking news that their son, Jack, had passed away. In addition to sharing the news, Teigen shared images of her last moments with her baby via her social media accounts. While thousands responded by sending their condolences to the grieving family, others had not-so-nice things to say about the couple’s loss and their decision to publicize their journey.

“When I read some of the comments in John Legend and Chrissy Teigen’s post regarding the loss of their baby, Jack, I was surprised,” Stephanie O’Hara, author of Angel Wings: A Story of Love, Faith, Infertility, Surrogacy, And Not Giving Up Hope, told MadameNoire. “Everyone grieves differently. While one person who loses a baby might withdraw from others, others might share it on social media and rely on their loved ones to talk and process through it. Whatever response may be, it isn’t wrong.

“For John and Chrissy, they shared their loss with the world because they need love and support. Sharing such intimate, personal moments can make us feel less alone and help to connect to others. It can also encourage others to come forward and share their stories. With 1 in 4 women experiencing a miscarriage, we need to stop the shame associated with miscarriages and infertility.”

In light of John and Chrissy’s unfortunate loss and the countless other women who have suffered a similar loss, with the help of O’Hara, we thought it would be a good time to highlight helpful and not-so-helpful things to say a person who has suffered a pregnancy loss.

“Everything happens for a reason”

One of the worst and most common clichés that you can utter to a grieving person is that everything happens for a reason. It is beyond hurtful to write someone’s tragedy off as something that was meant to be.

“I think most people in this world have good intentions, and they simply do not know what to say in these situations,” O’Hara explained. “Sometimes, they choose words that they think are comforting or helpful, but are hurtful instead. What I would say is this: When people know better, they do better.”

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