Source: Peter Cade / Getty
Even those who know their self-worth and try not to take things personally have to face the fact that, when rejection occurs, their expectations and reality landed nowhere near each other. Having a romantic prospect say, “You’re not for me” can sting quite a bit. And if there are any issues of low self-esteem there, it’s very difficult not to take rejection personally. In those cases, rejection can even be triggering, causing someone to engage in destructive behavior as a way of seeking an outlet for the pain. How often do you see a friend drinking excessively or impulsively sleeping with a stranger they met on an app following romantic rejection? It’s common because people want to escape the uncomfortable emotions that come with rejection.
However, if you can switch your mindset regarding rejection, you can actually find that rejection provides an opportunity to elevate and evolve. It would be great if we didn’t even use the word rejection because it conjures images of someone desperately seeking approval of someone else. In reality, rejection can simply occur when two adults see if they’re right for each other, and one or both identify that they are not. And, honestly, even if one person comes to the conclusion first, the other would have eventually. But there is a lot of pride when it comes to who cuts the cord first and pride can cause us to behave in negative ways. We chatted with Francesca Hogi, a life and love coach, on how to turn romantic rejection into a positive.
Source: NA / na
Feelings are not facts
“Rejection is a feeling and your feelings are valid but your feelings are not facts. The problem with labeling it as ‘rejection’ is that then that shame fog happens. Feeling rejected creates shame. And then you’re blaming yourself. And you’re feeling not good enough. [You think] ‘It’s because I’m too this. Or I’m too that.”
