5 Subtle Signs You’ll Regret Having Kids With Him

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Parenting is tough, but raising children can be an especially thwarting experience when you’re doing it with the wrong person. When a man is not father material, the signs are glaring. But there are other factors that can also make raising kids with someone particularly miserable. Even worse, signs like these can be more subtle, and in some cases you don’t actually recognize them until it’s too late. Consider these five factors you may be overlooking before deciding to family plan with your current partner.

He only has negative things to say about his co-parent

Most people don’t light up with excitement when talking about their exes; however, when you’re raising a child with someone, you should be able to develop some level of appreciation for them. While there are unique circumstances when a co-parent is completely unfit, the average parent places their child’s needs before their own and are doing their absolute best. When you know that your partner’s co-parent is trying to do right by her child and yet your partner still looks for reasons to speak poorly about her or is constantly complaining about having to pay child support, consider it a red flag, sis. It may not bother you now to hear him talking about the next woman, but it’s best to remember that if you have kids with him, even if you’re married, you could very well end up in her shoes.

He thinks housework is a woman’s job

Grown adults are responsible for keeping their living quarters clean and tidy. Period. It’s not solely the woman’s responsibility to take care of a home, just like it’s not solely the man’s responsibility to go out and earn a living. Any man who walks around believing that it’s on the woman to cook, clean, and handle other domestic responsibilities will be a burden and a source of constant aggravation once children arrive.

He responds poorly to kids in his family

Not everyone is good with kids, but that isn’t an excuse to treat them poorly. If you’re noticing that the only interactions that he has with children are negative in nature, consider it a red flag. Something else to look out for is when the kids intentionally avoid him. Children are great judges of character. Peep game, sis.

His other kids are out of control

While you will definitely determine how your household will be run and how your kids will be raised, the reality is that siblings do have some level of influence over one another. If your partner already has children from another relationship and those children have not been taught to respect authority or boundaries, it can be especially frustrating when you have children of your own. In a best-case scenario, your child will wonder why they have to abide by a different set of rules than their siblings. In a worst-case scenario, the undesired behavior of the siblings will be mimicked by your kid.

He is deeply enmeshed with his family

It’s possible to be too close to your family. It’s called being enmeshed. When families are enmeshed, they lack physical and emotional boundaries.

“In enmeshed families, these kinds of healthy boundaries don’t exist. Parents overshare personal information,” LCSW Sharon Martin explains on Psych Central. “They don’t respect privacy.”

Some signs that your partner may be too enmeshed include his parents being heavily involved in his finances, his siblings being deeply invested in his romantic affairs, and your partner placing the happiness of his relatives about everything else. This will only get worse once children are involved and he will likely allow his relatives to overstep boundaries related to your kids as well. Do yourself a favor and don’t.