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dating after divorce

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One of the hardest pills to swallow is walking down the aisle with the person you love and not getting the “happily ever after” you hoped for. We speak often about the fairy tale of marriage, but we need to make space to discuss what happens when a relationship doesn’t go as planned.

According to the American Psychology Association, 40%-50% of marriages end in divorce, which means many of us don’t get the fairy tale the first time around. But while divorce can be painful and discouraging, there’s always another chance to find love. So how does one start looking for love again after the disappointment and heartbreak of divorce? Here Shay Levister, award-winning author and relationship guru, shares goals for reentering the dating scene.

Goal #1: Make sure you are emotionally whole. Healing is essential, as is becoming the person you want to be and the type of partner you want to attract. As Shay says, “Light attracts light,” so make sure you take time to process the end of your union before attempting to enter another one.

Goal #2: Identify what you learned from your marriage. Regardless of why the marriage ended, there are always lessons that you can take with you into your next relationship. Shay encourages women to hire a coach and start reading self-improvement books. A few notable selections are: Attached, The Mastery of Love, and Women Who Love Too Much.

Goal #3: Don’t date before the divorce is final. Shay encourages women to start dating 3-6 months post divorce. According to Good Housekeeping, therapists often encourage women to wait until the divorced is finalized because separation can be emotionally taxing and it’s important to close that chapter before beginning a new one.

Goal #4: Go slow. Be sure you’re dating for the right reasons. Letting loneliness lead you back into the dating pool can cause you to get involved prematurely just to have someone versus the right one. Take your time getting to know someone’s true character. Shay recommends you date a potential mate for six months to a year before committing.

Goal #5: Hire a coach to keep you on track. While you may be single, you don’t have to reenter the dating pool alone. Shay offers a number of courses, books, and other resources at Shay Your Love to help you begin your love journey again and land at the right destination. Visit the site for more information.

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