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Girl code is often defined as an unspoken set of rules or ethics between friends. The rules can range from not flirting with your best friend’s boyfriend to never letting a friend go to a public restroom alone. However, once you’ve reached a certain age, you realize that following girl code is simply having respect and compassion for your fellow woman — whether you know her personally or not. As you get older, the number of rules decrease significantly, but the weight of each commandment goes up. Here are ten girl code rules for grownups.

If y’all arrived together, y’all are leaving together

There are very few circumstances in which it’s okay to ride to a function with your homegirl and leave without her — especially if she’s had a few drinks. Even if she tells you that she’s okay, gently insist that she leave with you.

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If you see something, say something

The beautiful thing about Black women is that many of us are hardwired to look out for one another — even if we’re complete strangers. If you notice some funny business going on at the expense of another woman, such as drink tampering, definitely speak up.

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Always offer your seat to a pregnant woman

If you see a pregnant woman on a bus or train, always offer to let her sit down. This used to be common practice for all genders, but somewhere along the way, things got twisted and people stopped caring.

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Tell her about wardrobe malfunctions discreetly

If a woman is suffering from a wardrobe malfunction that she appears to be unaware of, don’t gawk, make faces, or talk crazy about her. Pull her aside and discreetly let her know.

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Don’t go after someone you know is in a relationship

If someone is in a relationship, they’re off-limits — whether they conduct themselves as such or not. It’s never acceptable to sneak around with another’s woman’s partner.

Treat her kids the way you’d want yours to be treated

There are many different scenarios that will result in you interacting with another woman’s children. Regardless of the situation — whether it’s for 30 seconds at a local department store, 30 minutes at your house while you’re babysitting, or 30 years because you’ve married into a blended family — treat her kids the way you would want someone to treat yours. If you wouldn’t do or say something in their mother’s presence, don’t do it or say it all.

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You never need to make her look bad to make yourself look good

Insecurity has a tendency to make women treat each other terribly, but emotionally grounded women will never try to make the next woman look or feel bad to make themselves feel better.

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If you were friends at some point, don’t tell her business just because you fell out

Unfortunately, friendships end but if you were ever truly a person’s friend, you take their secrets to the grave. Falling out with a former girlfriend is not a pass to put her business out in the streets, regardless of how the circumstances that ended the friendship.

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If you have an interest in dating a friend’s ex, reach out first

Not every woman is going to get bent out of shape about you dating her ex — especially if the relationship was meaningless and she’s moved on. You’re grown and you can definitely do what you want, but the courteous thing to do would be to reach out to her and express that you’re interested in one of her former flings.

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Don’t drive off until she’s made into the house

It’s a scary world out there and anything can happen. If you’re the designated driver for the night, it’s always a good idea to make sure that your girls have made it into their homes safely before pulling off.