Nobody likes to think they’re a flake. Nobody knows when they’re a flake. But, of course they don’t, because they don’t feel the effects of their actions—everybody else does. Flaky people just think everyone else is uptight, difficult, stubborn, or unaccommodating. They think other people haven no chill. It’s like how dumb people don’t know they’re dumb—they think something is wrong with everybody else. Meanwhile, everybody else can usually come to the consensus that that person is dumb. Or flaky. Or whatever the trait is that makes everybody else’s life annoying.
Flakes tend to have a very self-centered mentality. They aren’t trying to be rude or hurtful. They aren’t trying to make someone else’s day difficult. They aren’t thinking about other people at all. They are just thinking about what is easy, fun, or convenient for them, forgetting that their actions have consequences. Every time someone flakes on me, it’s so obvious to me that this person genuinely thinks what she’s doing is okay. She truly doesn’t anticipate any pushback or protest from me. Flaky people aren’t bad people, they’re just bad for the people in their lives. It’s something I can’t deal with in my friendships.
Flaky people need to understand that, those who do what they say they will, when they say they will, don’t do so because nothing else came up. They don’t do so because the thing they said they’d do is exactly what they felt like doing. Reliable people aren’t reliable because they’re somehow blessed with a life that makes it easy to be reliable. They face all of the same temptations and struggles of flaky people, and make the choice to be reliable, even when it isn’t fun or convenient. If you can’t imagine living like that, you may be flaky. And here are other signs you may be a flake (sorry, not sorry).
Cancel over a mood
You cancel because you are sad, feeling out of it, a little down, had a hit of inspiration and want to write a short story, are feeling more in the mood to party than relax, so you’d rather go to a party than a yoga class. Flaky people allow their moods to dictate whether or not they show up.