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communication in a relationship

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If you’re going to spend your life with someone, you have to be able to tell him anything. I’m telling you, if you find yourself in a new relationship right now, attempting to curate your persona, trying to hide certain elements of yourself, and trying so hard to only put the best, most manicured version of your forward…stop that right now. If you feel you can’t stop that, then you may be with the wrong person, and may need to bail on that relationship. If you can stop it, then stop. You’d have to eventually. Think about it: it’s not sustainable to go a lifetime being so calculated about what you share with your partner. That’s exhausting. Plus, it will create distance. You’ll feel you have two lives—your inner life, that only you know about, and the one you share with your partner, which is separate. That’s not good for your intimacy.

 

It’s not like any man worth your time would expect you to be perfect. Any emotionally mature man knows that everybody has an ugly side. Everybody has insecurities. Everybody can feel jealous and less-than. The key to a healthy relationship isn’t necessarily always being your best self—it’s being able to be open about those sides of you that aren’t so shiny and perfect. In fact, when you can talk about those parts of you, sometimes, you can work through them—minimize them. The things we keep a secret have the most control over us.

 

If you’re wondering just how open the lines of communication are between you and your partner, there are some indicators. Maybe you two are doing pretty well as it is. Maybe you need to open up more. Maybe you’ve tried and your partner wasn’t receptive (which is not good). Here are signs you can tell your partner anything.

 

via GIPHY

He knows about your wild past

The college years. The experimental years. That indecent exposure arrest in Las Vegas. Your short stint making money as a, um, dancer. You don’t have to frantically ask your college friends who come to visit to edit their stories and cut certain facts out. Your partner knows you had a wild past, and that that isn’t who you are anymore.

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