New Year's Resolutions That Pertain To Other People

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New Year’s Resolutions tend to revolve around, well, ourselves. I’ll eat less sugar. I’ll go to the gym more. I’ll save more money. I’ll promote my business harder. And while tending to your own garden and working on self-improvement is certainly important—in fact, it’s a critical part of being a good wife, employee, sister, friend, boss, neighbor, girlfriend, and all of the things that we are to other people, it’s also important to make some resolutions pertaining specifically to how we engage with the world.

So often, the changes we want to see in our lives would actually come not if we improved ourselves—not if we became thinner, smarter, stronger, or richer—but rather if we improved the ways we interacted with others. In fact, often we will just work on ourselves—we’ll lose that weight, we’ll take that night class that gives us all those resume-boosting skills, or we’ll get that makeover—and we’re surprised to find that nothing really changes in our lives. That’s because, as great as a makeover is or as wonderful as that new software program is that you’ve learned, what’s really impactful is our relationships.

That’s why, so often, we see people who have things that we want, and think, “Them? They have it, and I don’t? They aren’t even that fit/smart/hot/wealthy. How did they get that?” Well, probably through the way that they treat people. So maybe this year, when you’re setting your resolutions, instead of looking inward, look outward. The great thing about resolutions that pertain to other people is that they’re usually easier to keep than, say, the resolution to hit the gym every day. You get instant results from the relationship-centric resolution, and those are encouraging. People respond in kind right away to your changes, and that keeps you motivated.

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I’ll help the newer colleague

Rather than seeing the new colleague as a nuisance—someone who is weighing the rest of the team down because she constantly makes mistakes and needs help—see her as an opportunity. You were once her, and you just needed someone to step in, show you the ropes, and have a little patience. Don’t get frustrated when she needs a little guidance: be patient, be kind, and help her out.

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Or mentor a younger employee

Perhaps this is the year you take on a mentee! The world needs more great female mentors. If you feel that you have a lot of wisdom to share, and there are things you wish so badly someone had told you when you were starting out, maybe you can offer up a mentorship to some younger professionals. It can actually feel really good to see how much knowledge you actually have to share.

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I will keep my friends in mind

It’s so easy for each person in the friend group to just get caught up in her personal struggles, and for everyone to fall off the map for a while. But, don’t let it happen. Make a point to think of your friends, and all that they’re each going through. Make a point to check in regularly, just to chat, and to make plans regularly, so you can all get together and get away from your stresses for a while. Don’t see dinner with the girls as an inconvenience—see it as good for your soul.

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Especially my new mom friends

Don’t forget about your friends that recently had children. They may go MIA on you, but don’t do the same to them. They’re just MIA because they’re barely sleeping and constantly breastfeeding or changing diapers or panicking. Check in on your new mom friends. See if they need you to bring by some dinner, or just pop by and provide them some adult interaction.

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I will be kind in mundane, frustrating situations

Like when someone cuts ahead of you in bumper-to-bumper traffic, because they just need to merge onto the freeway, or when the person in front of you at the pharmacy is asking too many questions and holding up the line. Keep your cool. Smile. The world needs less people rolling their eyes and shaking their fists at each other and more people sharing a smile.

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In fact, I’ll put myself in the shoes of others

Put yourself in the shoes of others. If someone is holding up the line at the pharmacy, rather than think, “She’s making me late to my dinner date” think, “Wow, it must be tough for someone to live with so many chronic conditions are require so many complicated medications. This person probably doesn’t get to rush off to a fun dinner date after this like I do—she probably has to just go home and rest.”

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I won’t be triggered by my parents

What if you stopped having the same old arguments with your parents? What if, next time they made one of their passing comments that make you so upset (Like, “You still aren’t making more money, huh?”) you just…let it go. What if you just changed the subject? What if you just said, “Ah, nah” and moved on? Maybe you could enjoy the rest of the day with them, rather than blow it on a fight. Sure, it’d be nice if they didn’t make those comments in the first place, but maybe you can be the bigger person and just let it go.

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I’ll find little ways to surprise my partner

Don’t forget to do this! Many relationships fail simply because the people in them stop doing the little things—not because some major problem occurs. Maybe start keeping a little notebook, just for the purpose of writing down cute ideas of things you can do for your partner. Throughout your lives, you think of things he needs or would enjoy. Write those down.

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I’ll offer help more

When you see someone carrying heavy groceries, when you see someone in a wheelchair struggling to get across the street, when you see someone struggling to back out of a parking spot onto a busy street—just stop and be of assistance. It could literally just take three minutes out of your day and make that person feel that the world is actually a pretty nice place.

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Speak up about injustices

If you see something, say something. If you see someone being cruel, rude, or unfair, speak up (if it is safe to do so). Sometimes, people don’t even realize what they’re doing is wrong. Sometimes, the person throwing their recycling in the trash bin didn’t know there was a recycling bin around the corner. Sometimes people don’t realize they cut the line.

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I’ll save more so I can’ donate

Instead of saving more money so you can buy a designer bag, buy a nicer car, go to the fancier hairdresser, dine out more, and things like that, how about you save money so you can donate more? What if you started a little savings fund, just for the purpose of donating it at the end of the year? Remember the money you use to get that designer scarf could probably buy the medication needed for an animal in a shelter or good blankets and tents for a homeless family.

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I’ll focus on how my work helps the world

It’s easy to lose sight of why we do what we do. Of course, there can be a lot of mundane tasks we don’t love to do—administrative stuff—in the pursuit of our passion. But, try to remember why you do what you do. In some way, it probably helps the world. Try to focus on how, in the end, your work makes the world a better place, and you may put in better work.

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Instead of how it benefits me

Focus less on the rewards and benefits. Think less about the monetary reward, the praise, the accolades, the recognition, the status, and things like that. When it comes to thinking of how your work relates to others, don’t think, “Do others respect me enough? Do others recognize me enough?” Instead think, “Am I being of service to others enough?”

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I’ll support my friends’ endeavors more

Have you been meaning to stop into your friend’s restaurant more for dinner, but you keep, instead, choosing the more convenient place up the road? Have you been meaning to go to your friend’s play? Do these things! If your friends have businesses, patronize them. There’s really no excuse for you to get pizza from that chain restaurant that’s doing just fine when your friend owns a little pizzeria that needs your business.