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I love that women can be so compassionate, patient, understanding, and forgiving, but sometimes—like in relationships—I feel that it can bite us in the ass. Now, that’s not to say that I think we should all become cold, selfish, and uncompromising just to protect ourselves. That doesn’t make for a happy life, either. But I know there are plenty of men out there just looking to take advantage of the kind and generous spirit of a woman, rather than to nurture and celebrate it. They look for women who won’t just compromise in a relationship, but will even compromise who they are, to make their partners happy. I see it often—I see it happen to my good friends—and it makes me so mad.
I also often find that women are quick to excuse others, and slow to excuse themselves. We’ll quickly forgive someone who lets us down, who disappoints us, or who doesn’t do what he said he’d do, and then we’re so unforgiving towards ourselves. What’s that about? I am guilty of it. If a friend cancels on me at the last minute because she is feeling depressed, I absolutely forgive her and let it go. If I cancel on someone because I’m feeling down, I chastise myself for being weak and flaky for days after.
I bring all this up because, I feel that the ease with which we make allowances for other people’s shortcomings and flaws, and the quickness with which we’ll make an excuse for someone else, can put us in a position to attract bad boyfriends. My first few boyfriends all preyed on the fact that I made excuse after excuse for them. They didn’t even have to make excuses for themselves! People around me would point out their behaviors, and I’d be ready with an explanation. Looking back, I must have made my friends sad and furious. So, in case this helps anybody out there, stop making these excuses for your bad boyfriend.
He’s not very social
So he’s not very talkative around your friends. They ask him a nice question like, “How was your weekend?” and he responds curtly, and even a bit sarcastically, as if it was a dumb question. You say, “He’s just not very social.” But there’s a difference between not being social and not being nice. And if your partner cares about you, he should make an effort with your friends—and that means enduring the cliché small talk for a bit.
