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how to embrace the past

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I’m very open about my past—from my childhood in which we discovered my dad had a secret second family to my emotionally abusive partner who threatened to take his life over my leaving him to my eating disorder in my early twenties. My partner is always amazed at how willingly I share these stories with anyone who will listen. “Aren’t you worried someone will use that as leverage over you one day?” he asks. Well, first off, I guess I give the world a bit more credit and don’t think everyone is out to get me. But, furthermore, the very fact that I willingly publish those facts removes any power anybody could ever have to use them as leverage against me. What can they say? “I’ll tell everyone about the fact that you had an eating disorder?” or “I’ll tell everyone that your dad was unfaithful?” I’d say, “They won’t be interested—they already know. I already told them.” I think there is a lot of power in embracing our past. I understand the value in putting the past behind you, but I think that concept needs a bit more exploration. There will be people we need to remove from our lives, mistakes for which we must forgive ourselves, and situations from which we must extricate ourselves. That is a way in which we’ll leave the past behind. But the wisdom, strength, perspective, and lessons we learned from those situations stay with us forever. I fear that those who refuse to ever reflect on the past give up the benefit of learning from it. In fact, by pretending the past didn’t happen, we usually give it more control over our present. Here’s why I think you should embrace your past, no matter how painful or ugly it may be.

how to embrace the past

Source: Charday Penn / Getty

You’re a survivor

Whatever bad stuff you’ve been through, you got through it. Yes, you. Rather than feeling shame over being in that position in the first place, take pride in the fact that you made it through. If you’re no longer…in that abusive relationship or…struggling with an eating disorder or…engaging with an abusive family member, it’s because you took action to get out of there. That’s something to be proud of.

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