Source: Courtesy of Ignition PR / Ignition PR.
In promotion of her new single, “Wait For It,” we spoke to recording artist JoiStaRR about her decision to remain celibate, her motto “Love Over Fame” and how she developed a relationship with God after being an atheist for over a decade.
MadameNoire: I listened to the single “Wait For It.” It’s sexy but it’s about waiting. It made me think that people assume that because you’re not having sex you can’t be sexy. So tell me about the inspiration behind the song and how it came together.
JoiStaRR: The inspiration was to stick to my core belief which is choosing love over fame. That’s my whole movement. That’s what I represent. That’s what my album is called, Love Over Fame. The song just went with the whole movement of everything—choosing yourself over everything that’s popular. So, it’s popular to get in a relationship and if you’re attracted to that person, just have sex with them. And that’s not really ever the best decision because it’s based off of attraction. So if you choose to love yourself first and let other people come in your life but it’s all about you first, then you really don’t make the same decisions. Importantly, my beliefs—my Christian beliefs about waiting to engage in sexual activity before marriage—it’s better to wait because aside from the physical things that can happen to your body, STIs and all that stuff, the spiritual aspect of it. It really can connect you to people you have no business being connected to. You can’t break away from them. They’re called soul ties. So, it’s just best to wait.
MN: I know the decision to abstain from sexual activity is a very personal, very spiritual decision. So how do you reconcile sharing such a personal private thing with the public?
JoiStaRR: Well, I need the support group. I can’t be the only one out here out here trying because I’m not a virgin. I feel a little isolated but maybe I’m not the only one who feels like this. So putting a song out there saying, ‘I’m choosing celibacy. I’m choosing to wait. Who else is with me?’ It’s kind of like reaching out for a Celibacy club, Wait For It club.
MN: So do people reach out to you and say ‘Girl, I know what you’re going through. I can relate.’
JoiStaRR: Interestingly enough, I don’t get that. I don’t think people know that the song is about literally waiting. So the song just came out and I’m getting great responses from people loving the song, loving the music, loving the melodies, loving what I’m saying but they don’t know why I’m saying it. So now that I’m able to talk about it—and thank you for having me—I’m able to express what it’s actually about. While you’re dancing to it and you might be actually feeling sexy. It’s about waiting to actually act on the feeling of feeling sexy.
MN: When would you say you made this decision to abstain from sex in your life?
JoiStaRR: I realized it was time to do this—I had a really, really bad relationship I was in. It was several years ago. But it was that time in my life where I realized, I need to do something different. Something is not adding up. If I’m so amazing, I’m so kind and I’m all these things, is it me? Is it the people I’m choosing? What’s going on? So I just really started praying about it. And that’s what came to me, to hold it, to keep myself and to really focus on me. And block out everyone who was trying to accomplish getting my vagina. Because it’s just a game, really. I got one older brother. I grew up around a bunch of guys. So I understand that it’s not about love and marriage with a man. I started to really understand that it’s not the same for them. For us, it’s about Barbie and Ken, babies and ‘Ooo, I want to get married.’ That’s all we’re thinking about. So we connect that to marriage, connection and relationship. They’re just trying to bone.
MN: A lot of us if we come from a church background or religious background, those decisions are kind of placed on us. This is the expectation, this is what you will be—especially for women. I wanted to know if you could speak to societal pressures versus your own spiritual awakening.
JoiStaRR: Well, you know my personality I always go against what everybody’s doing at the time. I just don’t like to go with the consensus. I don’t like to go with the crowd. That’s just not my thing. I feel controlled at that point. So, that decision came from me deciding to stop being rebellious against what my parents taught me, what I learned in church because I made the decision on my own that that was stupid. Like, ‘If you feel something then duh. God gave you the feeling. Why would God do that?’ Because there was a very long time in my life where I was a full on atheist. So that whole time in my life, I was like what Christians believe doesn’t make sense. It’s against human nature what they’re talking about. So, the decision coming to it on my own, was my own life’s journey. Diving into who God is, the message of Jesus, the whole thing. I really started to study it on my own and realize, ‘Oh, these principles matter. There’s a reason why –all the wisdom Solomon wrote in Proverbs—there’s a reason why that’s written there. These are actual steps, rules and regulations and boundaries that will actually keep us straight. Maybe I should try it. And that’s what I did. Like, ‘Lemme see on my own…’ And I was right. I’ve never been clearer. I’ve never been more sure about my decision making. It’s like going vegan. You get rid of the meat in your life—figuratively and literally speaking—and your mind clears. And you have better view of what you—just by yourself—need to do for you.
MN: So what made you come back to Christianity, spirituality or a relationship with God? How long were you an atheist?
JoiStaRR: Probably, 10-15 years.
MN: Really? So was it the same relationship that made you come back around?
JoiStaRR: I started to have really, really major writer’s block. I couldn’t write a song for like two years. And I was on tour with Kanye West at the time. And I remember calling my brother [Warryn Campbell] crying like, ‘I can’t write songs bro, I don’t know what’s wrong.’ And he had a real heart to heart with me.’ He was like, ‘Just keep writing. It’s like a muscle. You just got to keep going.’ And that conversation led into how he views what I’ve been doing in my spiritual life and how that can connect to the gift because the gift comes from God, right?
So that really started to open my eyes. Maybe there is something to this God thing. I remember my dad telling me about this prayer he prayed when he was trying to figure out who God is. He said, ‘God, if you are who you say you are, show me.’ And that’s what I did. I literally prayed that prayer and from there on, it just became like an interesting—it was like a movie. God started putting people in my life to talk to me about things. I would start meeting different people. It became a real journey. And I discovered God really was just love how people say God is love. And from there life started to open up different for me. It didn’t matter about the songs anymore. It didn’t matter about the reason why I was trying to [connect with God.] Because I really was trying to do it to fix the fact that I wasn’t writing. Like, ‘Ok, my life is in shambles. Let me see what God is talking about.’ It became about okay, ‘Who is Joi? What is my perception doing? What are my views doing?’ It really started to blossom me as a human being. I started to realize, ‘Ok, life without the creator lessens my ability to create.’ Even though I’m made in the image of God and I am a creator. I can create things too but without the Creator giving me the information, I can’t do nothing. Life is just better with the Creator.
It’s like having amazing, wealthy parents and you grow up and get pissed off because you feel like they’re trying to control your life but really they’re just trying to guide you in the right way. And you realize, ‘Yo, that was the best resource I ever had. Let me go back home and plug in.’
MN: This is an aside but your story reminded me of what Tommy Davidson said on “Red Table Talk.” He said that he was going through a difficult time in his life, using drugs, disconnected etc. And he got on stage one day to tell jokes and he opened his mouth and nothing came out. And he said he heard God say to him, ‘I gave you this gift and I can take it away from you.’ So get yourself together. So it’s real.
JoiStaRR: What I think people don’t realize is, God is love and love has a personality. Love moves a certain way. And God can’t be anything but love. So anything outside of that, it just doesn’t fit the plan of what love is doing. It contradicts existence.
MN: Can you expound a little bit more on love has a personally?
JoiStaRR: The way love moves…You can recognize love when love walks in the room. It’s a feeling attached to it but it’s an energy attached to it too. It’s like you know when somebody walks in the room and they don’t mean no good. They came in the room to get somebody told. It has a personality. It’s a spirit. God is a spirit. And those that worship Him must worship Him in spirit and truth. That’s Bible. So there’s an opposing spirit too. There’s an energy that fills the room.
MN: I wanted to ask you from a practical level because you know what sexual experience is like, how do you make sure that you remain true to the commitment that you’ve made to God? What are some things that you do—or maybe some things that could be helpful to other women who are also trying to remain celibate?
JoiStaRR: It works for me very well and my personality because I’m a loner. I spend so much time by myself that I don’t put myself in positions where I would even be tempted. It’s different for me. Somebody who is obsessed with sex and they have to have it—I wouldn’t know what to tell them what to do. I’d be like, ‘You might have to take cold showers. You might have to be radical.’ It’s like breaking away from something simple like sugar. When you go on a diet, you disconnect from the things that are causing you to get fat. So, if I want to disconnect from something that’s tainting my spirit and my soul, I’m going to rid myself of the people that’s talking a certain way. I’m going to rid myself of watching certain things, reading certain things and involving myself in certain activities and that’s one of them. I would tell that person discipline is your best friend. I would tell that person, start with fasting first. I wouldn’t even go hard. I would start with fasting and praying for 21 days. Make that a habit, then try something else and work your way into [abstaining from sex.] Because for some people that’s like asking them not to breathe.
MN: I wanted to get your thoughts on this. I think someone was asking Wendy Williams, ‘I’m a virgin. My plan is not to have sex until I get married. But I’m dating so I want to know, when should I disclose this information to the people that I’m dating?’ At what point do they deserve to know that?
JoiStaRR: Oh, right away! That’s rude. That is rude. That is rude to get in a whole situation and you’re connecting with somebody and you know good and well they’re sexually attracted to you. They’re having good conversations with you and he’s trying to ease his way in and you know he’s trying to ease his way in and you’re like, ‘Ima just wait until he really like get to know me.’ No, that’s rude. Tell him what you expect, your standards, your boundaries so that he can make a decision if he wants to involve himself in that. Because then you get into a situation where you’re into somebody, they’re into you and y’all in it now and you tell him that now he’s like, ‘I’m not trying to be in a serious relationship.’ Now you’re confused, ‘But we’ve been spending time together.’ But he really just wanted to have sex. So you eliminate that confusion really.
MN: Getting back to the music, can you talk a little bit more about the motto “Love Over Fame”?
JoiStaRR: Love over Fame came about…God always drops amazing things in my little spirit. So it was like, ‘Okay, love over fame what does that mean?’ That sounds like something I need to look into. So love over fame came from me looking at social media and understanding that people are literally choosing fame over themselves, over their families, over their kids. People are trying to make their three-year-olds famous so they’re taking pictures of them every five seconds. It’s just like way overkill. It’s so saturated. And I literally started to disconnect from social media because I felt sucked into something that was out of my control. Trying to figure out what’s working here? And how come these people are liking this? How does this person have this many followers? It’s like no one is really focusing on themselves because they’re trying to be famous. And I know that word makes people go, ‘I’m not trying to be famous…’ No, no, no. You’re trying to be famous. I’ve always been an underground artist. I naturally was like, ‘This is what y’all doing? I’m not feeling it.’ I’m not feeling everybody trying to be an Instagram model. I’m not feeling everybody trying to look exactly the same with the same wig, the same outfit from the same store. It looks crazy to me. So if everybody is trying to be someone else, who are you?
Where is the love? Where is looking in the mirror and saying, ‘I love this about myself. Let me display this. This is what makes me unique.’ There’s a reason why my artwork is my profile because that’s my birthmark. I was made fun of a lot from that. So for me, I wanted to magnify what I felt may have been ugly. That’s not famous. I want to love myself so much, I’m going to show y’all my imperfection right now. I’m going to tell you that I’m celibate but it’s a struggle. I’m going to tell you that I might have attitude problems but I love Jesus. It’s choosing me over what y’all think it should be.
MN: A lot of people think to be in the music industry is to desire fame at some level. So how do you reconcile wanting people to hear your music but not getting swept up in the fame aspect of it? Is that difficult?
JoiStaRR: It is difficult because there is a huge part of me that wants to be famous too. Because it’s a platform so I can tell people not to try to be famous. But in order to tell people that on a massive level, you have to be famous or popular. So it’s a fine line to walk. I just decided to just receive where I am. That’s where I am and that’s my platform even if it’s five people. So that helps me.
MN: When can we expect the Love Over Fame album?
JoiStaRR: The album I’m finishing up. I’ve been working on Love Over Fame for at least two years now. It was one thing at first and it turned into something else. It’s evolving and I just want it to be right. And I want the songs that I need to write and to sing to be on this album. So I want to wait until I know for sure that whatever needed to be expressed through me, is. My single for this album was supposed to be another song. But then “Wait For It” came maybe about a month ago. So because of things like that I want to keep open. I don’t want to put a time on it. I think I’ll be done before Spring. I said everything I want to say.
