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One of the toughest things you’ll have to do as a parent is officially kick your child out of the nest. Even if she no longer lives at home (which, by the way, might make her one of the rare independent millennials), she may still look to you for rent money, her phone plan, health insurance, groceries, and/or car payments. I know several people whose parents supported them either partially or entirely until they were nearly thirty. Yes, thirty. But don’t be so quick to judge those parents: like I said, cutting your kid off financially isn’t easy. All your child’s life, you’ve felt it was your duty to provide for her. So to say, “I’m not paying for the roof over your head anymore” can feel unnatural. But, believe me when I say that you’re doing them a favor. These thirty-something’s I spoke of who are just now financially independent—they’re frightened and they’re struggling. Their parents didn’t do them any favors by paying for their lives for so long. But they also made the change so abruptly, which wasn’t fair, either. Here are tips for financially cutting your child off without ruining her life.

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Don’t spoil her to begin with

This step will have to start early, but don’t get your child accustomed to a lifestyle that she likely won’t be able to afford on her own when you cut her off—or at least won’t be able to afford for a long time. If your child is used to getting delivery food every day and wearing designer clothes, she’ll struggle to live below her means when you cut her off—and her means will probably be low to begin with.

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