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You're the love of my life

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Casually  hooking up with a guy you like with no future in mind can be super convenient–until it’s not. Thanks to the attachment hormone oxytocin and a slew of other factors, we can easily start falling in love with our “booty calls” unexpectedly. These “situationships” become even more complicated if you and your hook up don’t just sleep together, but you talk and hang out from time to time.

“A situationship is that space between a committed relationship and something that is more than a friendship,”  psychotherapist and author Jonathan Alpert told NBC. “Unlike a friends with benefits or relationship, there isn’t consensus on what it is.”

Even with the rules being spoken about and agreed upon, feelings don’t know rules. And once feelings start to come into play, you can want out of the grey area, stat.

“When both people are not in sync on the nature of the situationship, anger and resentment can arise over time,”  Carla Manly, a psychologist practicing in California told NBC. “This can manifest in toxic behaviors, such as passive-aggressive actions, anger outbursts and toxic communication.”

Before you and your bedmate start down this path, it’s important to first ask yourself if you really want to be in a relationship with this person.

“In some cases, it’s simply the pursuit, feeling lonely, or otherwise ‘filling a void’ that stimulates an interest in the relationship,” Manly explained.

But if you do the introspective work and still find yourself wanting more from your situationship, you have to express that the current set-up is no longer comfortable for you.

“Set aside time to talk in a quiet place that is free of distractions,” Manly advised. “When you talk with the person, speak simply and directly about how you feel and what you want. For example, ‘I’ve been feeling confused about where things stand with us. I definitely have strong feelings for you and want to deepen our relationship. It’s important to me to know how you feel. I hope we can move forward together.'”

And if they don’t want the same thing, it’s ok! It’s not rejection, you just are moving at different paces in life. Make space for that to be ok. Use the information you learned so you can be open and ready for someone who is just as open and ready as you are.

“It’s important to process the up sides and down sides of the situationship without blame or judgment,” Manly recommended.

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