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There's something bothering both of us

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We often associate attraction to physical attributes. We generally trust that sexual attraction between partners would remain steady as long as our bodies remained the same. But it’s not true–how we interact with our significant other on a daily basis affects how passionately we feel about them in an intimate context.

“It’s possible for a partner to ‘step over the line’ emotionally and treat you in a way that is such a turn-off, it can be literal,” Sexologist Carol Queen told Elite Daily.

If this sounds like you, there are ways to work you and your boo back to “hot and heavy status,” but you do have to take measures to be more intentional about the way you treat one another. How you rekindle that flame will depend on both of your love languages–if you both consider yourself “touchy,” making sexual attraction a priority will be important. If you all tend to be more sapiosexual (mind connection over everything), you could also make the decision to focus on growing that part of your union. Whichever route you choose, there is hope.

“It’s certainly doable … ” Brit Burr, editor at large and writer for Psych N Sex told Elite Daily about restoring sexual attraction.

“it’s hard to say objectively because some people are just very physical creatures, so without a strong physical side of a relationship, it can’t work for them. Whereas, other people can totally have an emotional relationship with a very small component of physicality and be completely content with that.”

Have a conversation with your partner so that you both can make moves to rebalance the sexual energy between you two.

“Both partners have to want to keep the spark alive and treat each other well, not get into a rut, not take each other for granted,” sexologist Carol Queen advised. 

Continuing, “Love/romance and sexual desire are often treated in our culture as though they are the same — but that’s a myth. It’s wonderful when they happen together — but they don’t always, or not very strongly,” Queen says. “And it might mean something very different to find a good husband/wife, good father/mother for our child, or a good ‘person I’d love to grow old with’ — especially if there are cultural pressures on us to get married or partnered up or give the parents a grandchild — rather than a good lover.”

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