What Most Moms Want Their Co-Parent’s New Girlfriend To Know - Page 9
Walking into a dating situation with a divorced or single parent when mom is still in the picture can be intimidating. When it comes to exes, we have a tendency to assume the worst and what doesn’t help is that it can sometimes take weeks or even months before the biological mom and new girlfriend even cross paths — let alone have a conversation. If you’ve ever wondered about what’s going on in the mind of your new beau’s co-parent, continue reading. Here are a few things that she likely wants you to know.
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Her child is her number one priority
Above all else, it is a mother’s job to ensure that her child is healthy, happy, safe, and whole. This responsibility overrides the feelings, motives, and agendas of any adult. If something poses a threat to her child’s wellbeing, she is going to speak up. It’s not personal.
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There will be times that she and her co-parent disagree, but that doesn’t make her bitter
Raising children is challenging and different people have different philosophies. Even parents who are still together don’t always see eye-to-eye. So please understand that there will be some disagreements, but that definitely doesn’t mean she’s some mean-spirited, bitter broad who is out to get her ex or sabotage his life. Families disagree sometimes. It’s just a part of life.
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You probably won’t get a say in how her child is raised, but that doesn’t mean you deserve disrespect
If your opinion is asked, by all means, please weigh in. However, please leave the parenting to the child’s biological parents for now. Somewhere down the road, there may be a place for you to step up as a bonus mom, but right now, you’re a newcomer to their blended family.
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Please leave the discipline to the child’s father
As a new girlfriend, it definitely is not your place or your responsibility to discipline your boyfriend’s kids. If you notice some troubling behavior, simply bring it to the attention of their parents.
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Her child is not a blemish in your otherwise perfect picture
It’s definitely difficult to date a parent; however, to that child’s parents, they are the greatest gift. Just something to keep in mind for those days when you’re tempted to look at her kid as an inconvenience.
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Don’t automatically assume that she’s the enemy
We won’t pretend as though tension doesn’t sometimes exist between the ex and the new girlfriend; however, this is not the case in every blended family. Don’t assume. Try to gain an understanding of your unique situation for what it is.
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Sometimes she might struggle with the idea of another woman being around her kid
And that’s no shade to you, sis. Mama bears naturally feel territorial and protective of their young.
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If you are good to her child, all will be well
The primary concern of most co-parents when their exes re-enter the dating world is how their child will be treated by the new love interest. A mature mother will only want what’s best for her child, so if the new girlfriend adds to her child’s life in a positive way and treats her well, you’re okay in mom’s book.
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If you mistreat her child, there will definitely be hell to pay
As a rule of thumb, always treat a child as though her mother is standing in the room with you. If you wouldn’t do it or say it with her mother present, it’s probably something you shouldn’t be doing.
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Don’t discuss adult things with her kid
Regardless of what is going on between the adults, allow the kids to be kids. Having separated parents is tough enough as it is, don’t burden the children further by immersing them in adult affairs. They did not ask to be in this situation, and it’s up to the adults in their lives to protect them.
