Ya’ll, i’m SINGLE- SINGLE ( in my best HaHa Davis Voice)! One of the main reasons I’ve been celibate and single is because I’ve been missing the intimacy aspect of sex and relationships. This year I blocked and deleted most of my starting line up out of my contacts list so I could focus on myself . And even though i’ve experienced too many f*ckboys, I’m not going to blame the lack of intimacy on them. I’ll take full responsibility for not creating a space for a deeper connection with my partner- shit even with my friends. To be honest, this NYC lifestyle has hardened me and I’m always too busy to slow down, connect and nurture any relationship. The lover in me knows that this is not a healthy way to be, so I decided to explore the world of Tantra by taking myself to Tantra Date Night with Marisa Sullivan at The Maha Rose Center for Healing in Brooklyn.
If your anything like me, you probably associate Tantra with the KamaSutra in which freaky couples have sex to align their chakras. And you’re kinda right! The word itself — derived from the ancient Sanskrit — means “web” or “to weave energy.” So when practicing tantra your partner is in so deep, they’re breathing for you.
And although synonymous with sex, tantra is really about connection — whether that’s with yourself or between you and a partner. In practicing Tantric Sex the process is about enlightenment: to transcend both the sexual and spiritual planes by engaging in deeply meditative, spontaneous, and intimate sex. In case you were wandering, No – we did not have a freaky wild orgy at Tantric Date night ( although i’m sure most of the couples went home and put the practice to work). We kept our clothes on and learned the basic steps of tapping into all your senses for the purpose of truly indulging in yourself and your partner.
Marisa our teacher was the most bubbly and open woman I’ve ever met. Everything about her was laced in love, which made it easy for everyone to open up! I would consider Marisa to be our train conductor. Together we went through through a series of emotional and physical journey’s that incorporated feeling, tasting, smelling, listening, looking deeply and connecting spiritually. My intention for the night was to allow myself to experience a full range of emotions. I am happy I did so.
Before practicing tantra, you must create a sensual space for love and romance. We walked into a large room decked out in roses, plush cushions and candle lights. We started out laying down on the floor next to our partners focusing on our breathing. When you practice tantra, you’re connecting your body, mind, and soul. Having a clear mindset and being open to step out of your comfort zone are important to uniting those parts of yourself.
We then moved into some dancing, yoga and cuddle poses with our partners that helped us connect our physical bodies. Then each couple found a little spot in the room to talk. Marisa guided us through the Four Quadrants of touch exercise. We asked our partners, “ How do you like to be caressed?” “ What feels good to you?” This was a practice of giving and receiving, taking and offering touch.I resonated with this portion of the session. Far too often I’ve found myself with a lover who didn’t ask me what I was into or disregarded my preferred love language. They would recycle moves that they’ve used on other’s and just assume that I would be into it because it worked on someone else. #NoF*ckboysMovingForward.
I found myself giggling with my partner and feeling playful. We even fed each other chocolate and paid close attention to one another as we shared our thoughts – I haven’t been this present in a very long time. Together, we created a halo of trust and connection around us. My favorite part of the evening was having my partner lay in my lap and giving him a gentle head massage. I could feel him release and I experience his energy shift. It brings me joy to be gentle with a man. Especially a black man, they deserve it!
I left the Tantra date night feeling peaceful, energetic and slightly erotic. The 2 hour workshop allowed me to lower the walls that prevented the intimacy I so dearly crave. I look forward to using Tantric principles the next time I decide to be sexually intimate with someone -I’m going to spread all of my limbs out and let my man lay in it!
Learn more about Marisa’s work at https://www.marisasullivanhealing.com.