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Arguments with your boo can be really annoying–especially when it is one of those conflicts that seem to go on and on without resolution. But nothing can heighten your frustration like your significant other telling you to “chill” when you are upset.

According to board-certified psychiatrist Dr. Susan Edelman, you partner may utter those words because they aren’t comfortable with how your express your feelings.

“They may not be comfortable with how emotional your reactions are,” Edelman said to Elite Daily.

This mismatch of expression may happen if your partner is more measured with their emotions while you are more forward. There is nothing wrong with either mode of being, as long as there is understanding about how it effects your partner.

If your emotions are so sporadic that you start to upset your significant other, you may want to reevaluate your approach.

“It might mean you are taking out these feelings on your SO without realizing it,” Edelman told Elite Daily. “And your anxiety could be wearing off on them.”

On the other hand, if your partner is always telling you to calm down when you are trying to be vulnerable, it could make you feel dismissed and even angry.

“You’re probably going to feel less chill,” says Dr. Edelman said.

“People can feel frustrated, angry, or misunderstood when someone tells them to calm down because it’s like they’re saying, ‘You shouldn’t feel that way,’ or ‘Your feelings don’t count,’” Dr. Edelman tells Elite Daily.

Let your partner know that telling you to “calm down” or “chill” can be really hurtful.

“When you tell me to chill, I feel like my feelings don’t matter to you.”

Relationships are about compromise, and although it can be frustrating to figure out how to communicate your partner when it comes to being more “chill,” it’s an important skill to learn to be successful in your relationship.

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