Being An Open Communicator With A Quiet Man

May 14, 2019  |  
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It’s pretty common that someone one might describe as “feisty” or “a firecracker” winds up with someone one might describe as “the strong but silent type.” Lively, outgoing, vivacious types are often attracted to calm, more mild-mannered personality types. The two complement one another quite well. Even highly energetic social types want an opportunity to be peaceful and still, and they can find that in quieter individuals. Meanwhile, your strong but silent type derives some much-needed energy from a lively counterpart. Ultimately, it’s a good case of opposites attracting. However, sometimes, being the more outspoken one can come with frustrations, especially when it comes to communicating needs and handling conflict. Here are some of the frustrations of being an open communicator dating a quiet man.

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You want to talk right now

If an interpersonal issue comes up, you want to address it right now. You feel that you do your best communicating when your emotions are high. You’re most in-touch with what you need to say, when you’re feeling the associated feelings. If a fight comes up you want to have that fight. Now. It’s your way of keeping a fight short and sweet.

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He needs time to cool down

Your quieter partner wants to back away when conflict arises. He doesn’t want to avoid it forever, but the second he feels that emotions are high, he thinks that’s a good time for everyone to go their separate ways and cool down. There is nothing more frustrating than that for an open communicator, itching to tackle this issue in the moment.

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You formulate your responses quickly

You may also be generally better at expressing your feelings. What you want to say pretty much comes out the way you want it to, the first time. You think quickly and speak just as quickly. You want a rapid tête-à-tête.

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He wants to step aside and think

Your quieter partner may not respond as quickly. He might stay silent for long pauses before responding to you. It’s important to him to choose his words carefully. Word economy is a big thing for him. And he doesn’t want to say anything he doesn’t mean.

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So you push him to talk now

If you’re quick-witted and an open communicator, you may grow restless waiting for your partner to formulate his responses. You may pressure him to speak now. When he visibly has a thought, and then says, “No. I shouldn’t say that” you push him. You say, “Say it! If you feel it you should say it!” So, he does and um…now you wish he hadn’t said that. It was hurtful.

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You can’t be upset—he warned you

This is a very complex moment. You can’t really be angry with him for what he said. He didn’t want to say it. He pushed back many times but you pressured him. You asked to hear what was on his mind, even though he told you it was better that you didn’t. So now you’re stuck swallowing your pride, and your hurt feelings.

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You may monopolize social situations

In social settings, like dinner parties, you may do all of the talking. Your partner struggles to keep up in group settings, where everyone is talking over one another. You know that he is funny, intelligent, and has a lot to contribute to the conversation. So you wish in these settings, he’d be more assertive. It’s not that you have an antisocial partner—he just feels overwhelmed when everyone is talking at once.

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You try to give him openings, but lose patience

You prod him a bit. You throw him a soft ball, ask him a question you know will engage him, and try to bring him into the conversation. But you can see that he can’t keep up with the previous pace of conversation, and you can see how it’s creating a lull in the energy. Everyone was engaged in quick and lively conversation until now, when your quiet partner is taking a while to respond to a question.

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In fact, you often answer for him

So, you just wind up answering questions for him. Someone will ask how his work is. And he’ll give a simple, “Good. Yeah. Work is good.” So you swoop in and excitedly share all of the recent updates he has about work that, for some reason, he’s not giving up.

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An issue can affect his mood for days

Because he takes a long time to mull things over and address them, when something outside of your relationship upsets him—like his job or his family—it can affect his mood for several days.

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And his mood permeates the whole house

If you live with him, you grow tired of his mood really creating a cloud over the entire house. That thing he is chewing on is so present in every single little interaction, from discussions on what to make for dinner to who should walk the dog. You feel like you only have half of a partner until he gets through this thing.

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If you try to help, you feel “pushy”

When your partner is dealing with something, you want to help him. Maybe he’s trying to resolve some conflict with a family member or his colleague. You know you can fix this. You know you have the answers and you want so badly to just tell him to do things the way you would and be done with it. But when you do, you feel like you overstepped your boundaries.

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But quietly ignoring it isn’t your style

Of course, you’re not one to sit back and say nothing for long. You also do feel a little annoyed with your partner because, the longer he takes to resolve his own problems, the longer his weird/sad mood will infect your household. If it were you, you would have handled his issue head-on the day it came up, and moved on by now.

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You often see him get stepped on

You, unfortunately, feel like your partner gets stepped on a lot. You feel like his boss takes advantage of him or his family members don’t appreciate him. You really want to stand up to them for him, but it’s not your place.

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But when he’s patient with you, you’re grateful

Even you—as energetic and confident as you are—sometimes feel that life gets the best of you. Sometimes, too many bad things happen in a row and your spirits are down. And you can’t tackle it right then. You just want to hide away and not talk about it. When those days come, you’re grateful for your patient, calm partner who completely understands your need for peace and quiet.

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