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Is there anything more heart wrenching than falling head over heels for a man who is about to move away? It’s happened to me before (it’s all good—I’ve since found the man of my dreams so thank goodness that other dude got out of the way!) It’s happening to a friend of mine right now. It’s frustrating though, of course. Dating is so damn hard and meeting someone with whom you connect feels nearly impossible. Simply finding someone you have fun with, get along with, and don’t want to run screaming for the hills from feels like a freaking miracle. So when you find somebody who checks those boxes and discover—whoops—he’s moving in a few months for a job, or to take care of a sick family member, or because he purchased a house in another city because the local real estate sucks, you can really want to look at the heavens and ask, “Whyyyy?!” Here’s what it’s like falling for a guy who is moving away.
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You tell yourself to live in the moment
You tell yourself not to fixate on it. The illusion of having “forever” with anyone is just that—an illusion. You could fall for a guy who is staying in town, and he could get hit by a bus tomorrow or you could get a divorce in eight years. So you tell yourself to just enjoy this and not think about tomorrow.
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Your friends ask, “What are you doing?”
Your friends, of course, worry about you. They are thinking about tomorrow, for you. You aren’t getting any younger (something they so kindly remind you of) and you’re wasting time on a guy with whom things can’t go anywhere.
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Eventually you ask, “What am I doing?”
Though you get angry with your friends for their incessant reality checks, you eventually realize they’re right. All this “live in the moment” BS was just something you were using to justify making a bad decision. You would, after all, like to build a life with somebody eventually. You can’t just go around pretending there’s no tomorrow—it’s reckless.
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But, you can’t stay away
Even though you have your epiphany and know you should probably stay away from the guy, you can’t. It is very very hard to just stay away from someone with whom you have a strong connection when he is still within driving distance.
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You say it won’t hurt you later
You promise yourself you’ll just enjoy this time with him and that you completely understand he is leaving. You tell yourself it won’t affect you, and that you’ll be prepared for it. (Of course, when he leaves, you’re devastated but can’t really complain about it since you did know this was coming).
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If you ditch friends for him…
If you pass up time with friends to see this guy, your friends judge you. They’d understand if you were hanging with a man there’s some sort of future with, but right now, you’re ditching friends you have a history with for a man you have no future with.
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Getting close feels odd
You find yourselves pouring your hearts out, and telling each other everything there is to know. But then it feels like…what’s the point? He’s going away! You’re sharing your deepest darkest secrets with someone who will vanish.
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But keeping a distance feels sad
So, you try to “keep it casual.” You try to keep conversation light and act like this is just a booty call or friends with benefits situation. But A) friends with benefits situations never work and B) it just feels sad to force a distance, when you do feel a connection.
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You get angry—really angry
You find yourself just belligerent sometimes. How could you not be? You want to bang your head against the wall and think there must be SOME way around this.
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Or, sometimes, you just feel grateful
At other times, you just feel grateful. You honestly thought you’d lost the ability to connect with somebody. It’s nice to know you still can. Now you know what sort of feeling to look for with other people.
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The expiration date might be part of the thrill
There is a lurking suspicion that part of the reason you’re so into this guy and that you are able to open up so much is there is that expiration date. There is freedom in knowing this won’t go on forever. Maybe what you’re feeling isn’t totally real. Not totally.
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You joke about moving for him
You have those crazy thoughts of, “Should I just move for him?!” You tell yourself that life is short and should be an adventure. You tell yourself this type of feeling doesn’t come around often.
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Wait…should you move for him?
No, wait, really, should you? You start looking up the type of work you do in that city. You start floating the idea to him. You start saying that it’s actually a place you always really wanted to live.
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No. You shouldn’t. Not now, at least
You should not move for him. Moving to a place you know nobody for a man is tough enough when you already have a long-term established relationship. And at the moment, you don’t even know what it would be like to really date. Maybe try long-distance first.
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He’ll leave and you’ll probably meet someone else
Here’s what will probably happen: he will leave, and you will be very sad for a while. But you will meet someone else, and then you’ll think it’s so silly that you were once so worked up about someone who is miles away now.
