Signs You Expect Perfection From Others

March 18, 2019  |  
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a perfectionist

Source: Dean Mitchell / Getty

If you expect perfection from the people in your life, you will never be happy. When I let go of the idea that my friends or significant others always needed to do things the way I would have done them or the way I think is best, I suddenly found myself with a more active social life and a more fulfilling love life. Why? Because people actually want to be around you when they know you’ll accept them for who they are, flaws and all. Meanwhile, nobody wants to be around you if they feel like you’re always judging and analyzing everything they do. One great example is this: I stopped being friends with a woman once because she kept going back to, breaking up with, and going back to the same sh*tty boyfriend. I judged her. The truth is, it never affected the kind of friend she was to me, so that’s a shame. Here are signs you expect perfection from others.

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You never put yourself in their shoes

When someone lets you down or some way doesn’t meet your expectations, you never put yourself in their shoes. All you focus on is your loss or your experience on your end.

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Though that could teach you a lot

While we shouldn’t make excuses for others who don’t give us what we need, we also have to have some empathy. Simply putting yourself in someone else’s shoes could make it quickly clear how they could have made that mistake. It could instantly give you some empathy for them, and actually help you feel less disappointed.

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You’ve gotten upset over gifts

You’ve gotten angry with someone for a gift they purchased you. Maybe you thought it was insensitive, not right for the occasion, too utilitarian, or too cheap.

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How can a gift be a bad thing?

If someone gives you a present—someone who likes or loves you—there’s no way they were trying to upset you. Even if the gift seems insensitive (like a package to workout classes—you feel they’re saying you’re overweight) it probably wasn’t meant to be.

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If your partner offends someone, he must apologize

If you take your partner somewhere and he accidentally offends someone, you instantly get upset with him. You make him apologize. Even if you know the offended individual isn’t really clear on things, or is too sensitive, you still make your man apologize.

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Hey, not everyone’s going to embrace him

You know your partner’s a good dude and that’s all that should matter to you. You can’t expect that everyone will understand his sense of humor or embrace him, nor can you force him to make false apologies or be someone he isn’t just to make you look good.

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You demand all smiles at social occasions

If you bring your partner—who you know is upset about something—to an event, you get angry at him for looking less-than-thrilled. You want him to put on a happy face and pretend he’s feeling totally fine when he isn’t.

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Sometimes, someone just isn’t up for it

You have to remember that sometimes, people just aren’t in the right frame of mind to be somewhere celebratory. If your partner is depressed about something, give him the night off. Let him skip your friend’s party, rather than force him to go and be fake the whole night.

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Your appearance is very important to you

Your appearance is very critical to you. You never go out with a hair out of place or without makeup on. Looking perfect is something you believe gives one power.

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So your clique’s appearance is also important

So, since your appearance is important, so is your clique’s. You get genuinely upset if your partner doesn’t tuck in his shirt or his hair is a bit messy. You behave like it’s a personal insult.

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You never ask, “Have I done something like that?”

If someone messes up, you never stop and ask if you’ve ever made a similar mistake. You instantly just think they’re dumb or incompetent.

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You just accuse and criticize

Rather than assuming everyone who messes up is dumb, think back: you may have made similar mistakes when you were in their shoes. Maybe when you were also very young, when you had little experience in the task, or when you were having a bad day.

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You don’t give the benefit of the doubt

If you can take something the wrong way, you do. Whether it’s a friend taking too long to call you back or someone forgetting to invite you to something, you decide it’s personal.

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You just see what’s on the surface

Before getting angry with someone, consider what you know about this person. Has she generally had your back and shown care towards you? People deserve credit—the credit they’ve built up. If this person usually is good to you, then this mistake may be just that: a mistake.

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Nobody agrees with your critiques

When you tell others why you didn’t go on a second date with a guy or why you got mad at a coworker, they don’t seem to understand. You wait for looks of understanding and agreement that just don’t come.

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No matter how much you explain

You try to explain the story as many ways as you can, to make your friend understand why you dumped that guy/yelled at that coworker. She gets it: she just doesn’t agree. Most people think you overreact and judge too harshly.

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