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There are a couple great holidays today, including the lesser-known Be Nasty Day. “Nasty woman” has actually become a phrase with its own Wikipedia page now. For those unfamiliar with how it came to be, Donald Trump called Hillary Clinton a “nasty woman” for wanting to raise taxes on the wealthy to improve social security programs. He thought his turn of phrase would just bring shame on her, but liberal women around the world snatched onto it and made it their own. The spirit of the “nasty woman” is to tell the truth, even if it isn’t pretty, to demand what is right, even when it won’t be easy, and to genuinely care more about justice than being “well-behaved” or “lady-like.” So now there is a National Be Nasty Day. Shouldn’t every day be like that? Here are times it’s okay to be difficult, in honor of National Be Nasty Day.
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When your partner is being lazy
I had to get nasty with my partner once because he had just become so lazy about spending time with my friends. The scales had tipped tremendously in his favor regarding whose friends we spent time with. We saw his friends twice a month and mine…twice a year. I told him that was straight up the behavior of a selfish, lazy, and bad partner. I said that needed to change, and I’d accept only results and not excuses.
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When your ethics are in jeopardy
Any time someone asks you to do something that would go against your own moral compass, you can be nasty. It doesn’t matter how much they try to justify it or explain it. You can stand your ground. You can even tell them you lose respect for them for being in favor this procedure.
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When a server is rude to you
You work hard, just like your server does. So when you spend some of your hard-earned money on a night out, you shouldn’t have someone roll his eyes at you, speak to you condescendingly, or just generally be rude. You aren’t being rude, and so neither should they. Nobody is forcing them to work there. You can say as much.
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When people make assumptions about you
Because of where I grew up, people assume I must be spoiled, and have little perspective on life. They don’t know that my parents actually did not spoil me—they made me get after school and summer jobs and work for any special thing I wanted. They don’t know that I did a lot of volunteer work. They don’t know that I’ve always had friends from various socioeconomic backgrounds. If someone assumes otherwise about me, I let them know that it is them whose behavior is disgusting.
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When you aren’t getting the pay you deserve
At the end of the day, clients or employers will often try to get away with paying you as little as possible. That’s just good business, on their end. But know you aren’t demanding, pushy, or a diva for asking for more. You know your worth. They know it, too. You’re allowed to say that, even if it makes you “nasty.”
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When you witness an injustice
Like someone skipping a line, or leaving no tip on a big bill for a server who worked hard. Say something. Kick up a fuss. Embarrass the person. Be nasty, so that those who deserve it can be treated with respect.
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When you don’t get the credit you deserve
It’s funny that women are called egotistical if they simply claim the credit for the work they’ve done and men who do the same are called….men? If you aren’t getting credit where credit is due, claim it. To hell with anyone who judges you for it.
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When rumors are spread about you
If someone spreads rumors about you, come down on them hard. Spread the truth that this person is a rumor-spreader. Fight their slime with fire.
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When you’re disqualified for superficial reasons
When a group of coworkers don’t invite you to a social event clearly because of the way you look or your background, say something. Let them know they clearly haven’t learned what really matters in life, and that you feel sorry for them that they’re so deeply insecure that they let opinions of outsiders affect their moral behavior.
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When you’re trying to avoid a catastrophe
Sometimes, you have to appear to be the crazy, bossy, pushy one, to save everyone else’s butts—the butts of the very people who are calling you crazy and pushy. A true nasty woman does what’s for the good of everyone, even when everyone doesn’t see that she’s right…just yet.
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When you’re giving tough love
Sometimes, you have to give tough love. Sometimes, you have to tell a friend that you know she’s unhappy at her job and that you know she’s just scared to go after her real passion but it’s time to nut-up. Or….tit-up, in the name of Nasty Woman day.
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When you know you’re the best one for the job
Don’t sit back silently when someone who isn’t as qualified as you is going to get an opportunity. Make the person in power see you’re the best one for the job. Don’t feel guilty for taking that job from the other person. They weren’t doing the company any favors—they weren’t best for it.
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When you’re being ripped off
Women especially need to look out for being ripped off. Service professionals from mechanics to computer techs will try to rip you off, thinking you don’t know the cost because it’s a “male” profession. Negotiate. Haggle. Don’t feel bad about it. You don’t need them to like you. You need them to give you a good deal.
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When your family tries to change you
For years my mom tried to pressure me to leave my boyfriend (whom I love) and find someone wealthy. I didn’t get angry because I know she just cares about me but, ultimately, I had to look out for myself and the man I love. I told her I wouldn’t visit her anymore if she made more comments like that. Sometimes, you need to withhold love to get the love you deserve.
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When anyone tries to change you
Really, when anyone—from a partner to family—tries to change who you are, in your essence, be nasty. Let them know they can have you as you are, or they can leave. And you wouldn’t chase them.
