The Five Stages Of Feeling Like You’ve “Lost” Your Orgasm - Page 2
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For those of us who consistently have vaginal or clitoral orgasms, when the magic finally stops, you could find yourself understandably sexually frustrated. Questions may race through your head: Is my vagina broken? Is my vagina only capable of achieving a certain number of orgasms, and I’ve used them all up? Will I ever orgasm again?
The thoughts can be downright panic inducing. The worst part is, you achieve orgasms in your most relaxed, comfortable state, so anxiety over not being able to cum is going to make it even harder to reach your climax.
The good news is, there are ways to get back in the flow. It’s just going to take some patience, mental zen, and bodily awareness.
Read on for the five stages of orgasm “loss” and how to gently nudge your body back to the peak.
Frustration And Blame
You’ve been using your favorite toy and your partner is doing all the right things, but you cannot get yourself to climax! It can be really difficult to navigate this stage because you may find yourself lashing out at your significant other for not being able to make you cum anymore OR you may be frustrated with your hand or favorite toy for losing their magic touch.
While it’s tempting to lounge around in this stage, the best way to overcome it is to get active. Marriage and sex therapist Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D.told Womansday that “orgasm loss” can be due to inactive pelvic muscles. Are you moving around enough during the day? Stretch, do squats, get up and go get your big O girl!
Moody
After not orgasming for days, weeks, months or days, you could find yourself moody and irritable. If sex and orgasms are your way of relieving stress, you may have to find other ways to practice self care. Run a bath, get a massage, or exercise. This could be a good way to explore your body and find out other ways to give yourself physical pleasure outside of the pressures of an orgasm.
Broken
Many women can get stuck at this stage. But trust and believe–there is nothing wrong with you! The no orgasm phase can come in stages, pun intended. And there are so many possible causes of your stunted O outside of being “broken.”
Eden Fromberg, D.O., founder of Holistic Gynecology New York said that even high heels can mess with your climax.
“When your psoas muscles are sticky and tense due to prolonged high heel wear, they can’t transmit the arousal message necessary for orgasm,” Fromberg told WomensDay.
It could even be caused by not drinking enough water! Try to get every other part of your body flowing and moving and you could see some improvement in your ability to cum.
Motivated
Now that you’re out of the broken stage, you’re geared up and ready to go grab your O back. In this stage you’re patient, not rushing in it, and indulging in all of the sensual feelings leading up to the orgasm without putting so much pressure on yourself and your partner to get there. Lighten up! Yes orgasms are deliciously yummy, but there are other parts of sex that are awesome too, like foreplay. Settle into the sensations and you might just release and go to the top of the mountain again.
Acceptance
The orgasm drought is real, but you don’t have to convince yourself that things will always be this way. Like every season, what your body likes and responds to changes. In the acceptance stage you are willing to switch it up–try some new positions, new toys and enjoy the exploration process. You are also openly talking to your partner about your lack of orgasms and they are being patience and adventurous with you. Your orgasms are on their way back to you dear. Have faith.
