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Men may think that just because women don’t get into as many yelling matches or physical brawls as they do that we’re all nice to each other. They’d be gravely mistaken. In fact, women can spew the worst venom of all at each other: the subtle neg. Negs are the worst because they’re never outright insults, so the person being insulted doesn’t really have an opening to say, “That was rude.” Negging matches between women can sometimes go on for a while for this very reason. Nobody is really saying what they mean. It’s just mean comments covered up by fake compliments, back and forth, until a winner is determined. Just kidding, nobody wins a negging battle. Everyone just leaves frustrated and hurt. Unfortunately, here are subtle ways women neg each other.

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Adding b*tch after a compliment

“Who is this skinny b*tch” or “Well aren’t you a boss b*&ch” are just some examples of this neg. When a woman sees a woman who has something she wants (a slimmer figure, a promotion), she’ll point out that positive thing, but add b*tch at the end—just so it’s not totally a compliment.

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Adding c*&t after a compliment

This is an even more aggressive version of adding b*&ch at the end of a compliment. When a woman is really upset that another woman has something she wants, she’ll add c&nt at the end of her compliment. For example: “Well aren’t you one wifeyed up c*nt.”

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Motherhood; I don’t know how you do it

AKA, “It seems like you have no life at all and have given up everything to have kids. That’s not for me, personally.”

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I don’t want to marry just to settle

This is something single women might say to non-single women. The implication being that the non-single woman settled and doesn’t really love her partner but was just afraid of being alone.

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I’m just too nice to be successful

If one woman finds success, a woman who was vying for her promotion/role might say something like, “I’m just too nice to ever get that.” In other words, she’s saying the woman who got it is not nice.

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It’s great you’re comfortable with your curves

Sometimes, women who are quite slender but still uncomfortable in their bodies will be particularly envious of women who have curves and are clearly quite happy in their bodies. So they’ll say this comment, to make the curvy woman feel insecure or even a little overweight.

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I love that you don’t care how you look

Ah. The sharpest neg of all. Sometimes it’s hard to wrap our minds around the fact that a woman can not wear makeup and like the way she looks. So women might say to such a woman, “I love that you don’t care how you look.” She never said she didn’t care…

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She has a man because she’s not difficult

I wish single women could be happy for and respect the journey of women in relationships and visa versa. But, sadly, sometimes single women will imply their wifeyed up friends only have a man because they “aren’t difficult” aka are doormats.

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You chose a career over a man; you go girl

This is something else women sometimes say to greatly successful women who happen to be single—it’s their way of making that woman feel bad and believe her success has repelled men.

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I’d love to have your body but I like to eat

Translation: you look like you have an eating disorder.

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You’re lucky you don’t need to worry about money

Is something a woman who has to work may say to her married friend whose husband financially supports her. It’s a passive aggressive way of saying, “You took the easy way out.”

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I wish I had the free time to enter hobby here

Translation: “I’m sorry I can’t join the gardening club you’ve invited me to but I actually work for a living unlike you who is a stay-at-home-mom or kept woman”. That’s the type of negativity some women who choose not to work can face, all for sending an innocent invitation.

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Your life seems exciting; I just stay home with my man

Aka “I’ve been watching your fun single life on Instagram. You seem to go to a lot of fun events that I am sort of jealous I’m not invited to. So I’ll just rub my committed relationship in your face.”

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It’s great you don’t let parenthood change your marriage

This is something some people say to mothers who they secretly don’t think pay enough attention to their children. It’s just one of the many unfair ways we judge moms.

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She hired a man; she’s not an ally

Being a woman in a position of power will always come with plenty of criticism. If a woman who can hire someone hires a man, other women will say she isn’t an ally or isn’t a feminist. Nobody asks if a woman even applied for the position.

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