If I had to sum up what was wrong with every failed relationship I’ve ever had, I believe they’d all fall under the umbrella of this sentence: the men were not emotionally open. Some were uncomfortable with my openness, and pulled away if I shared feelings regarding my own insecurities, or perhaps things that happened in my childhood. They weren’t ready to confront those things in themselves so they certainly weren’t ready to hear about them from somebody else. Some men had no issue with my being vulnerable, but they felt it was their job—as a man—to be stoic, impenetrable, and impossible to read. They were glad that I was an open book, but they were closed books. They were books that were closed, put in locked chests, and shoved beneath the house. I couldn’t get to their real contents. And if I could say what makes my current relationship work—I mean really tick—it’s this: my man is very emotionally open. It pays off in dividends every day. Men, here is how being emotionally open will reward you.
Being closed off is exhausting
Never showing your cards and always putting on a front is exhausting. It takes constant effort. You never get to emotionally relax. It causes your whole body to tense up and always feel tired and strained. When you emotionally open up, you feel more energized.
Nobody can tease you for moments of vulnerability
The funny thing is that, often men who put on a front do so because they fear that other men would tease them for moments of “weakness” aka vulnerability. But if you’re just emotionally open 24/7 and own it, then nobody can tease you for it. It would be too easy of a dig. Everyone would think, “Uh…yeah…he’s emotional all the time. Duh.”
You’ll attract open women
Sadly, I’ve known a lot of closed off men who specifically liked how open I was, but who drove me away because they were so closed off. You just don’t really get to keep someone around who is emotionally vulnerable if you aren’t vulnerable.
You’ll make fewer women angry
When you’re open, you state your needs and intentions. So, you’re more comfortable telling someone upfront, “I’m not looking for anything serious right now.” By doing so, you’ll swiftly—fairly—send women who want something serious on their way, rather than dragging them along for years until they get so mad that they slash your tires.
You won’t get strung along
If you do want something serious, you’re more comfortable telling a woman how you feel about her, and that you want things to move forward. From there, she can either tell you she feels the same way or…she doesn’t. Either way, you find out quickly, rather than being strung along.
Women are great to talk to
If you’ll just give a woman a chance to talk to you about your more private feelings and experiences, you’ll see that females are kind of phenomenal at emotional talk. Your girlfriend or wife could be your most cherished confidante, if you’d let her.
You’ll be free
When we suppress emotions, we believe we’re controlling them, but they’re actually controlling us. They’re an undeniable energy—you can try to push them away, but they’ll just move somewhere else in your body, and pop out at weird times. Suppressing emotions leads to break downs, outbursts, and other destructive behavior. When you confront your emotions, they can’t control you. You’re free.
It’s helpful in business
Potential clients, investors, and business partners find transparency attractive. A little emotional vulnerability in business is actually a good thing—it humanizes you to business contacts and helps them trust you.
Vulnerability at home=strength outside
If you’re vulnerable at home—with your partner—you’ll actually feel stronger to handle situations out in the world when you have to put up a front. It’s like how we create micro tears in our muscles during a workout, strengthening them for competitions or fights.
It’s sexually attractive
For women, emotional openness can be sexually stimulating. Women often don’t want to have sex with a man to whom they don’t feel emotionally connected. Being emotionally vulnerable could rev up your sex life. A little cry session may be a weird turn on for her.
People cannot manipulate you
If you aren’t facing everything in your own mind, then it’s easier for other people to manipulate you. The better you understand your own fears and insecurities, the less other people can prey on them.
It prepares you for fatherhood
You just can’t be a very good dad if you’re emotionally closed off. If you have an emotionally inaccessible father, then you know it’s true.
It strengthens your friendships
Being emotionally open makes your friendships so much richer and more enjoyable. Your dudes probably have a lot of the same inner feelings and experiences as you do—it can be nice to discuss those.
It makes your employees better
Employees appreciate a boss who is a bit emotionally accessible. They’ll work harder and take joy in making you proud when you show them your softer side.
It helps your partner feel safe
Your partner will feel safer if you’re emotionally open. She won’t feel that she has to walk on eggshells, or that you’ll have an outburst at any given moment.