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A lot of partners tend to get really tense when the subject of their significant other’s ex comes into play. We see exes as a threat to our current relational flow, after all, the ex often holds more history with your person than you’ve had time to create.

Our apprehensions come with good reason. Rachel Sussman, a New York City-based psychotherapist explains the complications behind staying friends with your ex.

“If you had a really strong connection and a really strong love affair with a very erotic sex life, how do you become friends with that person?” Sussman told Time. “Chemistry doesn’t always change.”

She also cautions against maintaining friendships with exes. “Sometimes that will hold you back from going into a new relationship,” she explains. Or you get into a new relationship and you tell your new girlfriend or boyfriend, ‘My ex is one of my closest friends.’ That’s complicated. Are you giving the new relationship a [fair] chance to really flourish or blossom?”

All these points are very fair for a living ex, but what about a dead one?

One Twitter user asked a question about attending an ex’s funeral, and the Twitterverse had very diverse answers.

 

I think that if a person feels threatened about an ex that is no longer alive, there are bigger relationship trust issues at play. Even though all of our egos go through phases of fragility, in the context of a relationship, we should have enough stability to not question if our significant other is clinging to the deceased. Unless there was some big drama involved with their ex (like they were cheating with him/her or the ex disrespected you in some dramatic way), you need to be secure enough to trust the decisions your person makes won’t harm you.

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