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cliquey

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Believe it or not but, I’ve never really had a core group of female friends. I have several small clusters of good girlfriends—the largest group made up of just four of us including me, and one of those lives out of town. Other than that, I have various individual women whom I adore, who don’t know each other at all (or meet once a year at my birthday party). Growing up, there were those strong cliques in my high school and college—those groups of girls who ran six to ten women deep. They were always doing slumber parties and going on trips together. There was always some commotion about one possibly like another’s boyfriend. For better or for worse, female cliques are very strongly bonded and their lives are deeply intertwined. I’ve never quite had that and this is how it affected me.

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Almost no drama

My friendships have remained pretty drama-free. Since I have several tiny friend groups rather than a massive one, the likelihood that anyone is in a fight about anything is very small.

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And almost zero gossip

With so few of us in each of my pockets of friends, there isn’t really anyone to gossip to. If I have a problem with one friend, I really only have…the one other friend in that group to tell. At most. Or nobody to tell because we have no common friends. It encourages direct communication.

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I see friends less frequently

I see my friends less frequently than someone with a big, core clique does. Since I have various pockets of friends, it’s hard to see everyone at once—they don’t all know each other, so I schedule individual hangs with every small group or individual. That means I see each friend maybe every two or three months if I’m lucky.

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Certain friends for certain activities

I never need to pull anyone’s leg to get someone to attend something with me. I have my friends who like to party, my friends who like to take it easy, my friends who like cultural events, and my friends who will go all out for any activity involving dogs.

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My man doesn’t know all their men

My boyfriend hasn’t even met some of the long-term partners of some of my friends. When you don’t have a core clique of girlfriends, that means simply seeing your friends alone takes more time—trying to get your men together is even tougher.

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And he can’t possibly do all couples’ trips

My boyfriend has never really been on a couples’ trip with most of my friends and their partners. I just have too many little groups of friends and if I did a couples’ trip with each set every year, well, there’s no way my boyfriend could attend all of those for financial and scheduling reasons.

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Or even group dates

Group dates are even hard to come by. All of my girlfriends want us to hang out as couples more often but they don’t entirely realize how many other groups of friends I have that ask for the same thing. My boyfriend’s schedule can allow for maybe one group date a month. Maybe.

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A good range of personalities

I don’t know if you’ve noticed but the members of cliques can start to sort of meld personalities. Everyone talks the same, has the same interests, and has the same mannerisms. I like to keep diversity around me and I do so by having various small groups of friends who don’t know each other. Plus, I never spend so much time with any one group that I lose my identity.

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I’m pretty independent

More on not losing my identity, not having a core group of female friends has made me pretty independent. I don’t have that group that is together every single night and so codependent that it’s a little scary. I’ve always been a lone wolf, meeting up with a pack when I feel like it.

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My style is my own

I have my own unique style. Another thing that starts to grow together as one within a tight group is style. Everyone starts dressing the same and doing their hair the same. I’m glad to have escaped that.

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My hobbies are my own

My hobbies are my own. I don’t have to do what the group is doing because, well, that’s what the group is doing. I’ve been pretty independent when it comes to curating my own hobbies. I don’t have a clique determining what I’m into.

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More girls’ trips

I will admit that having several pockets of friends rather than one big group means I go on a lot of girls’ trips each year—for better or for worse. Well, for worse for my bank account.

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Each group brings out different sides of me

Each group of friends brings out different sides of my personality. I almost feel like I know myself better because I have several very different friend groups.

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My birthdays are a mish mosh

My birthdays are a surprise to everyone. All of my girlfriends meet in one place. They all know things about me that the others don’t know. Sometimes, it can stir up jealousy.

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Sometimes, I miss a clique, but I love my friends

Sometimes I do feel that I missed out by not having a big, core clique. I do see the comfort and support that provides. But, I love my life and my friends—they’ve made me who I am. Maybe a clique just wasn’t for me.

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